I used to enjoy traveling, at least I thought so.
I used to go, I was on the road for a long time, for the last few years. Coming back to London only when I wanted to work, to make some money.
Now, I am not that eager to travel. I may even dread it in some way.
The experiences of travel, my experiences were not that pleasant. Not pleasant, it did not live up to the ideals of travel that I had in my mind.
I had an image of what it means to travel, nomadically, for the long term, after reading books and hearing from others. Reading books like the 4-hour workweek, and hearing about this lifestyle from other people.
A dream of remote work, sex in each city that I visit, etc. It did not happen like that.
I wanted to try out an alternate lifestyle, get away from the boredom of daily life, feeling mediocre, wanted to amount to something, to have done something. To have built several streams of passive income, be free, financially foremost.
Be free of fear, be free of my social anxiety and on and on.
No matter where I went, what I did, with the occasional romance and relationships with people in between… I was unhappy.
How many times can I visit the local museums, talk to strangers, do the whole thing? Small talk, small talk, where have you been, where are you going.
Then you see others getting drunk and will think, maybe it is a good idea to get drunk and socialize, then I may enjoy my time, and have a good time. Only to realize that was just bullshit.
The loneliness persisted.
Hopping from one city to another, one country to another became a bore. So many airports, buses, and taxi rides.
I just jumped from one pattern to another and started finding comfort in it.
I hadn’t changed. Sure I have modified my behaviors a little bit here and there, but in the end, the sum total of me, that didn’t change.
The only advantage, looking back, I think was I was able to get away from the 9-5 and not spend as much money as I would when I am back in London. Travelling is cheap, I will give you that.
But traveling, because everyone else is doing it because it is a cool thing to do, that is not a good idea.
It is not the place that I thought that will give me happiness, places never did.
My travels were a by-product of me wanting to be happy, and I thought traveling would make me happy, and to get away from loneliness.
Now, I am not that eager to travel. I prefer to be where I am, where my work is. I am not thinking about any holidays or anything like that.
This form of escape from loneliness has come to an end. Hopefully, for good.