Vulnerability is not appearing weak.
There is a moral correctness these days for being vulnerable. You get points for appearing vulnerable. Especially in the dating world, among women. They want a sensitive man. A man strong enough to show their weak sides. Then they can relate to them knowing that they are not machines. Men have feelings as much as they do. Perhaps may be because it provides women with an opportunity to show their own weak side, they can open up about themselves, that they can feel safe and normal when they are going through emotional periods. And having a sensitive man for a partner makes it okay because they might be able to understand them. It is a selfish game.
Anyway, people posture a lot. Vulnerability is a new kind of posturing. The sweet nice girl routine, the macho man routine. This is now transformed into a powerful woman and vulnerable man routine. It is the same thing, but it is kind of upside down. Like positivity and negativity, both come from ego but one is more acceptable than other, because of morality. Like happiness is more acceptable than sadness.
The vulnerable man syndrome perpetuates, because women accept it. Even though they know it is phoney, but somehow they seem not to listen to it. I think it may be because we have trophy relationships these days, show off relationships so we can talk about them to our friends.
Once a woman said to me, I can find a man whenever I want and marry him. That is how powerful I am. I don’t think that is power, and besides that is not a marriage. The moment you say you can find and marry someone, that makes him an achievement, the marriage is a trophy for your efforts. Much like the ones that you get by winning a competition.
When a woman says I want a sensitive man, what they really mean, I think, is that I want to be with someone where I have permission to open up about myself without judgement.
True vulnerability is being courageous. It may be telling someone else something about you, that you want to show them, because you want to. Not to win women or to be liked. Courage is oozing out in this process. Your body shakes, you tremble but still you’re sharing. That is courage. There is emotional risk of being judged and humiliated. That is true vulnerability. It has the same feeling of putting down your armour in battlefield that is this world and showing up with the risk of being hit with arrows, but trusting in a way that they will not shoot arrows at you but they might. And knowing that you will be okay, because you know you’re the one making that decision. If there is a consequence that is your full responsibility. That is vulnerability.
It is not saying that ‘I was opening up to him, he was not interested, I got upset, because he does not listen’ that is not vulnerability. That is being selfish.
If you end up saying that “I was opening up to him, because I wanted to, he did not listen, that is okay, I understood the emotional risk of humiliation and hurt.” well that looks more like you have certain power there.
You get the picture.