Trying to do the right thing.
Is this a virtue? or is it fear of messing up?
We strive to do the right thing and resent the ones who seem to be successful despite doing the wrong things. We say it is the assholes, the liars who get the results. In relationships, in sales, the ones who lie through their teeth – those who say what others want to hear – it is those who are loved, it is those who make the money. The assholes.
“I won’t be like them. I’ll be honest” one says.
“I will be doing the right thing. I will be lonely, but at least I’m honest”
“There is a difference between being alone and being lonely”. Wordplay?
Also, I need time to figure out the right thing. But I am not doing anything now. I am figuring out the right steps to achieve my goals. It buys me time. Is trying to do the right thing a way of procrastination?
I want to achieve something. But I don’t know how to get there. I have seen others who’ve done it. But there are no details, no step by step that I can see.
So I set out to find out the steps. Create a goal, and write down all the steps need to get there. Wait a minute! Any step I write is coming from what I know, from my own past experience. So I’ve known the how already? So following a plan created that way, I inevitably end up repeating my past. It will get me nowhere!
But I can read more books, watch more youtube to figure that out! Then I get lost in the preparation, the steps, I read endlessly, and that becomes a way of procrastination.
What am I to do?
So doing the right thing. The need to do the right thing may be a way of procrastination, so I can avoid doing now, “the wrong things”.
Seeking out the most efficient way to do things. Becoming more productive. Not doing anything until I find the best way to do something.
It may be fear. It may be just laziness. Or I may be just tired.
In a world that demands that I compare myself to others to gauge how well I’ve lived, “Doing the right thing” may very well be where I hide my sorrow of feeling inadequate. Covering up sorrow and disguising it as a virtue.0