The yearning to do the right thing, to live the right way – Why do we have that?

May be religion has something to do with it. Do the right thing and then you will go to heaven. I am not a religious person though. So why. To be a good person. To be loved. Do the right thing so I will be loved. And if they don’t it is their loss. To give me a sense of personal importance that others fail to recognise.

The underdog feeling. Only I know that I am great, anyone who fails to recognize it is a fool.

May be. Or may it be the sheer unwillingness to change. That I have accepted the fate that I was born into a certain condition and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am doubting the validity of that premise. Because, you know, I am not sure.

I want to change – at the same time I believe change is not possible. There is no free will. I literally can’t choose what I am going to think the next moment. How can I plan my entire life, if I am at the mercy of my knowledge and memories?

I am the sum total of my memories. That is my ego, isn’t it?

So is change really possible?

There is another way to look at it though.

Maybe I am getting exactly what I want. I secretly don’t want to change. There is comfort and security in doing what others do, keeping my head low. That I don’t want to cause any trouble, not only to upset others, but also it is uncomfortable for me to get out of the usual stuff that I do.

Maybe I just don’t want to attempt anything and if I don’t get to finish it, I can avoid the reaffirmation of what my father told me – that I was a good for nothing. May be that is it.

Or that I have all these explanations as the reasons that I don’t want to do anything, maybe I am simply lazy.

There is no point. It is all the same thing, in different forms, whatever the nature of thought process is. It is all in all the same. Thought created realities that has no relation to the actuality.

I may like just staying confused, so I have an excuse not to do – move towards something – that something that will determine that I have arrived. Now, I don’t want to arrive, I am happy – but not happy – where I am.

I just want to be doing something to give me the illusion of progress that I am achieving something, thereby giving my life some meaning. The marketing of life’s meaning has something to do with it, maybe.

What is life for? Maybe that is the question that we are trying to answer. And we manufacture all these ideas concepts, join groups and sects and say that is the meaning of our lives, to preach god, or science or whatever it is.

It may be just that, our lives don’t have any special meaning. Ultimately, we may not be that special. The knowledge that we are the only species on a planet called earth wants us to feel that we are special.

Would it be same feeling if we knew there were others?

At this moment it is becoming clearer that it is all to say that “I” am important. It must be. In some way.

For the depressives, for the victims, their victimhood, their depression, sadness is special. Without that there is no meaning for them.

Whichever side you are on, it is the same thing. There are no sides. Sides are created in reaction to each other. So, if you think you are having the better end of the stick, have a good look at yourself. Or you say others have it better that yourself.

I think, the truth is we are all the same. Whatever form it might take.

Your moral superiority means nothing to me, because my pain is special to me. You don’t know what I have gone through.

These people don’t know anything, have you seen how ignorant these guys are, they don’t even know what they are caught up in it, if only they see what kind of stupidity, they are in.

Right, both versions are the same if you look at a closer look at them. They give you the feeling of your specialness and the sacredness of your thoughts. There is nothing sacred about that kind of rationalization and deduction. Because your opinions and my opinions and thoughts are not sacred.


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