Striving to be better creates a sense of insufficiency

Comparison causes hurt

We want to make something out of our lives. Because we feel, right now, our lives aren’t very meaningful.

We feel insufficient. What creates this sense of insufficiency? I think it is what we’re taught to think in terms of insufficiency. We’ve compared ourselves to others constantly right from our early childhood.

This comparison causes hurt. When a parent compares the older son to the younger ones, it creates hurt. And we create an association between our lovability and the thing that we’re compared for.

For example, I made an association that if I don’t get good grades I am not loveable.

Out of this comparison, our parents even label us as stupid, often holding up to ridiculous standards, calls us lazy, and so on. All this creates hurt.

Striving to “be better” causes a feeling of insufficiency

So our childhood imprints in us this need to be better. And as adults we live through it, enforcing the same.

We normally think that we’re insufficient and therefore we strive to fill that insufficiency.

I think it is the other way around. I think it is striving to be more that creates a sense of insufficiency. Always planning in the future to be successful creates the insufficiency in the present.

It is like trying to overcome fear. Cultivating courage and trying to be brave.

Only a coward needs to overcome fear

It is trying to overcome the fear that breeds fear.

This is true in dealing with other psychological states too. In trying to overcome we automatically condemn the thing that we’re trying to overcome. And so keeping us stuck.

At a deeper level, striving, as I said, is out of the association between our lovability and insufficiency. The self-importance, the need to feel important, recognized, acknowledged, and not ignored is big.

Don’t love yourself

Whatever you want to call it, saying to ourselves, that we’re lovable, we’re kings and queens – a recent trend – only adds to this cultivation of self-importance and insufficiency. And that is why it is the ugliest thing. It is the ugliest because we further delude ourselves to think this is a virtue.

Don’t make yourself more loveable, don’t step into that power, don’t meditate, don’t be vulnerable, don’t be courageous, don’t find purpose, don’t live a meaningful life.

All the above are the same movement, some better presented and so we accept them better. But at the core, the same futile attempt to cultivate self-importance which has the opposite effect.

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