94 Responses to the Question “What increases intimacy in your relationships?”

I asked around, “what increases intimacy in relationships?”, here is the response from people. Some are repeated because there were more than one person who said the same thing. Read this to have an understanding of how others think about intimacy.

Responses from people

  1. Knowing yourself and how to communicate so clearly the depth of your own vulnerability. For you cannot see in another until you see in yourself.
  2. Being independent and strong enough to not be afraid to meet on an authentic level. It takes bravery and self-love to be there. It takes a lot of strength and compassion and maturity to hold space for your partner.
  3. IMO, there are several. But I think the prerequisite to all of them is trust.
  4. Forgiveness every time. And then honesty.
  5. What increases my desire to connect with my partner is when I know by her actions that she is doing her inner healing work and has integrity with her presence.
  6. Many things.Understanding is first.
  7. Honestly and being vulnerable.
  8. Independence, mystery and Truth.
  9. Silence.
  10. Acceptance.
  11. Emotional literacy, emotional vulnerability, awareness to emotional weaponisation – thereby creating a sanctuary for sharing no matter what comes up.. in doing so we create a deeper bond with our own feelings and thus the others that goes beyond sensual, sexual physical, mental, spiritual – and goes straight to the divine through the heart.
  12. …..giving it, taking it, holding it, and having it held for me.
  13. Connection and physical intimacy. When guys are nurturing and attentive and women are comfortable with and say yes to their sexuality it goes a long way toward building the connection and physical intimacy.
  14. Slowing down. Being present. And listening.
  15. Eye contact.
  16. Turning off electronics.
  17. Communication.
  18. Communicating and truly feeling HEARD. Trust, vulnerability, and feeling safe/nurtured. That’s still hard for me sometimes, so when I experience it, the level of connection and intimacy grows exponentially for me.
  19. Trust.
  20. Physical touch, lack of contempt, lack of criticism.
  21. Becky and myself trust each other with our bodies, minds and the ones we love.
  22. Transparency in communication.
    not trying to be right .Be present for your partner. Listen to hear not respond
  23. Vulnerability.
  24. Openness.
  25. Vulnerable and honest communication.
  26. …and dropping stories, projections and expectations.
  27. More sex.
  28. 100% vulnerability and authenticity. If you can’t be yourself and I, myself, then intimacy doesn’t exist for us.
  29. Deep honest truth, being vulnerable, showing yourself unconditionally.
  30. Honesty and vulnerability.
  31. Communion and an honest will for the fortunate growth of my partner in the intimacy.
  32. Long discussions and debates about the things we enjoy.
  33. Caring.
  34. Anal.
  35. Loving the messy and acknowledging the treasures.
  36. Making time for connection. Remove the connection and intimacy recedes. How to connect: move together, breath, somatic release together, share, get vulnerable, chose authentically relating rather than bypassing, come back to the nucleus you are creating-remember the why of what you are sharing or building together. And PLAY! Create space for everything to be held!Surrender into all of it.
  37. Taking responsibility for my own eros / only sharing the overflow of self-love to mitigate dependency.
  38. Intent.
  39. Service, absent servitude, to the Beloved.
  40. Trust and vulnerability.
  41. Trust and transparency
  42. My partner and I once in a while share withholds and desires with each other. Afterwards, the relationship usually feels fresher and deeper. We’ve decided to try out to make this a weekly scheduled conversation.
  43. As far as practices, I recently learnt the Yoga of IntimacyIt has me go deeply into my masculine, and she feels safer to go more deeply into her feminine.She loves it, and ever since we practiced this for one afternoon, she keeps opening up more and letting me feel her tender sides more.
  44. Honesty, loyalty and a willingness to share your vulnerability.
  45. Increasing our capacity to sensorial experiences helps, slowing down, listening, breath work… but above all not being “goal orientated” in whatever form of (physical) contact…letting go of expectations… just being in the moment and also learning simple tools like eye gazing.
  46. Fuck daily,
    1. Reply You don’t need to “f…” daily… that’s a very limited concept and I dare say there will be times in your life where authentically ‘not fucking’ will expand your capacity of intimacy – intimacy is much more than a fuck.
  47. Being open, real, and raw vulnerability.
  48. Being really vulnerable.
  49. Communication.
  50. Eye contact, body language and sharing your deepest desires. I think are important also.
  51. Watching together a Juventus match…
  52. Communication about intimacy. Daring to trust the other with our vulnerability.
  53. Honest communication.
  54. Leaning into it– all of it.
  55. Open and honest Communication
  56. Vulnerability indeed. And communication indeed. And attention for sure.
  57. Honesty
  58. Vulnerability and honesty.
  59. Fuck every single day.
  60. Being intimate means, being one, you are not different from your partner and in complete union with partner emotions, drive and thoughts. This could be achieved without the physical relationship and only thing required is being in harmony with nature and higher self.
    An ever knowing.


    1. Reply: Why do you say this? What you are saying is a sweet idealizing view and I think you’re not talking about your experience.
  61. Intentions and boundaries.
  62. Telling the truth!
  63. “What’s true for you?”“Is there anything you are afraid to tell me?”“What can I do to make your life better.”
  64. Vulnerability.
  65. Communication and actions.
  66. We’re super intimate if I talk to you about my bathroom habits. 🤣.
  67. Kissing, sharing feelings and experiences, communicating in their love language, cuddling, doing things together we both enjoy.
  68. .. the more I become vulnerable to them the more intimate I feel. If they are worthy of it of course.
  69. For me it’s looking in one’s eyes while having a sober conversation, making out, when she lays her head on your chest, and when she let’s you go down on her.
  70. When given space away from sexual things. I like me some sex free intimacy. Its like impossible to me.
  71. Some of our most intimate, sweetest moments have been when we both can’t sleep and we’re just talking and giggling in bed at 3am.
  72. Laughing together, not polite little chuckles, but full on “oh gods I’m gonna pee” out of control laughter.
  73. Openness.
  74. Shared projects (working on something together we’re both passionate about, whether that’s writing a book together, practicing a skill, or just cooking a really good meal).
  76. Clear communications and looking from you partners point of view to understand their emotions.
  77. Communication and simply paying attention and helping fulfil your partner/s’ needs.
  78. Communication, feeling appreciated and valued, having sex free intimacy/fun such as playing video games together or cuddling and BDSM sessions.
  79. Naked cuddling without having sex and talking about random stuff. It is probably one of my favourite things.
  80. Everything above is important to building intimacy, but for me it starts with trust.
  81. Openness, empathy, patience, honesty, appreciation, trusting one another enough to show vulnerability…
  82. Face time.
  83. Honesty above all. Doing fun things together, not letting the routine of life get in the way.
  84. Talking things through and being on the same page 🙂
    And cuddles
  85. Laughter, longing, Appreciation, acts of service, healthy communication, spiritual supportive actions/words etc.
  86. Stability.
  87. Talking AT LENGTH, taking turns, really listening, validating, augmenting and, and, and just… getting so deep into that. It can be serious, silly, anything. When we are both awake on Friday or Saturday and just cuddling and chatting into the wee hours, fine, we’ll sleep until 1pm then. IT WAS WORTH IT.
  88. Honestly, I never had a clue what the fuck people meant by “intimacy.” Just no comprehension at all. Physical intimacy seemed to be mostly a euphemism for sex, but I had no idea what “emotional intimacy” was.A while ago, some blog post or comment or something about “vulnerability” being a necessary component and I finally grasped why I never understood it. Since I lack the emotions that seem to be the basis for feeling vulnerable (stress, anxiety, insecurity, etc.) as well as lacking the emotions that seem to be the payoff for being vulnerable (trust, acceptance, etc.), I lack the capacity for emotional intimacy.So, back to the original question, “What increases intimacy?” While I can’t experience it myself, I can provide an environment in which my partners can express themselves without fear of judgement, so they can just be themselves. Does that give them feelings of intimacy? *shrug* Maybe? But they have expressed appreciation for my lack of interfering in their exploration of themselves and their identity…and maybe that’s close enough.
  89. Holding space and listening. Doing the small things for each other
    And also sex-free intimacy. Take away the sexual expectation and I immediately relax.
  90. Quiet snuggle time.
  91. Licking her body all over, taking my time enjoying each part. Slow buildup, no rush.

Being open. Being vulnerable. Communicating. Trustworthiness. I think my relationship now is deeper than any other relationship I have had because we have so much of this.

This week has been especially hard for me. Dealing with things from my past and such. But I have talked to him about everything. I was very vulnerable. And he’s still around, you know?

  1. Unfiltered, honest communication.
    I have it with the woman I’ve live lived with for 18 years and the woman who is part of another couple I am involved with. It can deepen the bond on so many levels.
  2. Attention, Approval, Connection, Play, Truth, Care
  3. Saying the thing.

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