When we look up to a guru, a book, a coach, a savior, it is the relinquishment of responsibility and making someone else responsible. Someone else is the teacher, the coach, etc.
If you are the very first person on earth, who would you look up to? You have to find out for yourself.
That brings a great deal of competence and confidence with whatever you are doing, because you are learning by doing. You are exercising your own intellect and not borrowing someone else’s.
We want to take the easy pill, do a course, go to a workshop, read a New York times bestseller to fix the relationship, or be in a relationship.
We are becoming lazy in that regard.
If you don’t take that kind of responsibility by relinquishing authority, asking someone else to how to ‘do relationship’ then we don’t need to confront the fact that we may fail, and we were responsible for it, that we contributed to the failure. And that failure can be uncomfortable, so better depend on someone to tell me what to do.
If I fail, I can just ditch the teacher and just move on, right?
I can live in the illusion that ‘only if I found out the right method’
I’ve heard, there is nothing wrong with having a teacher, but the teacher is not superior to you. They should be treated as signposts. One does n’t stop at a signpost, it is not the destination, you have to move on to reach there.
Many people stop at the signpost, and are reluctant to leave the guru, the teacher behind.
Read a book, find out for yourself, in your life, what is happening taking pointers. If it is not true as the book says, discard it. Discard everything that is not the fact. Truth is not your judgement, it is not your thinking, it is at a sensation level. There are facts. And facts don’t require your agreement or disagreement.
How do you find facts? Discard everything that is non-fact. Eventually, you may come up on the fact that is not touched by an image, your thought, your prejudice.
So, use books and teachers as signposts, if you must have a teacher. More importantly it is time to ask, if you really need a teacher, read a book, ask WHY do you need that kind of dependence?
Because it may be that, in the problem itself there is the answer. Without understanding the problem, all questions will inevitably lead to wrong answers, The questions must be accurate.
So the problem of relationship, or in anything, there is no need for taking a course or get taught.
You have to find out, what it is like being you, how you are in relationships, what is happening – the ‘what is’ of your relationship. Not the ideals, towards which a course takes you. And then you might be able to solve the problem.