I need to reject all authority in order to grow. The authority of knowledge and experience. The authority of the so-called experts. Find out things for myself. I have been dependent on books and workshops for a long time.

It was merely an escape from the responsibility of finding things out for myself. Now that I am starting to understand what it means to reject authority, I am feeling lighter and secure. The reality of security and not the imagined security of status, recognition etc.

I am not popular, but I am getting free.

I am disliked but I am free.

People judge me, but that is up to them. That is none of my business. Selfishness really is selflessness.

Wanting to be loved, recognised, appreciated – that is in the way of being okay with myself. The whole construct of me is just a bunch of opinions that are recorded in reaction to others around me. Time to find out what it really means to be me.

I reject the idea of meaning of life and a higher purpose for that is fashion and a gimmick. And the brain loves gimmick.

How do I stop to seek? Not to become anything. I am going to find out for myself. Rejecting all experts.

It hasn’t freed me from my fears and anxiety listening to the so-called experts. Do they even know what they are talking about? Or are they imposing their view of the world on others.

Reject books, other’s opinions, my own thoughts. For my thoughts are really given to me and there really is no difference between other’s opinions and my opinions.

Let’s see where I end up.

No seeking. Will life be dull and rich if I stop seeking? Strive to be better? Isn’t striving to be better confirming that I am not enough.

Someone says I need to become something, have purpose and make something out of my life. Who gave us these ideals? Isn’t it just a pursuit of superiority and comparison? The root cause of all the misery – comparison. To see where we stand constantly. To derive our worth based on some ideals.

Enough of this bullshit.