Pain

Seeking pleasure when there is pain. That’s what we do when we reach for that chocolate bar when we feel sad.

That’s what we do when we reach for the next bottle of alcohol.

These are very obvious.

Subtle ones are, seeking a change in oneself. To be better.

Seeking spiritual enlightenment. To know better.

Join a community, believe in something, God so it makes you feel better, because, in the end, you may receive pleasure. In the case of God, it is that sense of security in knowing that there is one this that is permanent.

Suffer and then there will be pleasure. Work hard to gain reward and then pleasure from it in the end. In the form of money, power or whatever it is.

You soothe yourself with Food because there is pain. You believe in God because there is pain.

You binge on Netflix to escape, you cling to an ideology to escape.

These actions are fuelled by reward and punishment. You want to feel good so you try, or want to avoid the discomfort.

What entails in the understanding of pain. The psychological pain that is.

What is the movement of pain or suffering or whatever you want to call it.

Thinking about the pain or what happened to you is still an escape. Thinking about is engagement with memory. That is not knowing pain.

What is the state of direct contact with pain? Is it possible to end it? It may be that psychological suffering is the nature of our brains. Not concluding on that, is it necessary to suffer?

What will the ending of pain will mean to us? Will it mean a loss of identity? Will it mean that we will let go of the feeling of feeling special because of our pain? Will it mean that we will lose a sense of security and permanence that comes with the pain. A comfort in the pain so to speak.

To stay in the known field of what you’ve known and that is pain.

Is it that, it is easy to suffer because there is security in that.

But then at some point we move to be better, because you feel no longer secure there. Which is a reaction. Seeking pleasure and feeling secure that way.

I’ve suffered enough and I want to experience some pleasure now. Whether it is food or alcohol. These things are in my reach.

If I can’t be successful, I can feel good with these little pleasures, at least momentarily.

It seems to me it is that permanence in the things that we seek. Which is unattainable.

There is a deep-rooted fear of instability. A distrust in ourselves, in our own psyche.

I don’t know if I can trust my mind. Because there are so many contradictory thoughts, me wanting to go in different directions.

The moment I rest in knowing that I have rationalized my certain behavior, I come to know that I condemn the same behavior in others, and I know that that is hypocritic.

How can I trust such a mind? I’ve made bad decisions, one after another.

To escape such a cluttered mind, the guilt, the shame of being a fraud, we want to escape with a little pleasure.

We invent, think of something that will make us feel better and strive towards it. That means, whatever we are going to go after we already had a sense of it, we have felt it, experienced it.

That kind of seeking is repetitive, you are caught up in a cycle. Because what you strive towards is what you have already known.

Pleasure is just thinking, the actual sensation we barely come into contact with it. The sensations may very well be disappointing. There might be nothing there when you arrive because it was all the thinking about the pleasure that you’ve confused with the actuality.

It is a fantasy.

Pleasure is as much a fantasy as is pain.

Both sustained by thought.

The actions because of this surely must be repetitive, and neurotic. Without any clarity.

The deeper want is the desire for security, either in pain or pleasure.

What is pain, when there is no thinking about it, when there is direct contact? Without fantasy.

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