Dealing with anxiety can not be done by practicing courage or self-love. You are just merely setting yourself up for another ideal and inviting more anxiety
The thing about practice.
Practice makes your brain dull. You can master a certain skill by repeating it, even make it unconscious, a muscle memory to do a certain task. But it makes your brain dull. There is no newness.
So much tension and tightness around the whole process.
There is some sort of conforming, disciplining to do a thing. A level of condemnation. Forcing your mind.
But are you really practicing what you want to practice when it comes to internal matters to the mind? Skills like being a good doctor or a carpenter, that takes time and repetition. But when it is inwards, say when you are afraid, can you really practice courage? for example.
Every time when you practice being courageous, that is saying that I am afraid, so I am trying to be courageous. That is not courage but a mere reaction to fear. I am still in fear.
I’ve been hurt, so I will stand tall, grab the universe by the balls, love myself, etc. they are all mere reactions to the hurt, so they are the hurt. I am caught in it. The fear and the entity that wants to overcome fear are the same.
Even when I say I love myself, it is the hurt speaking, for I have committed into the precondition that I’ve been hurt.
The hurt itself is a blow to my own self-image, the ego if you will. A made-up thing, in reaction to other opinions. The circumstances, all that.
So I am reacting to a very subjective thing, and the cycle goes on.
What I need to do is to catch the hurt, the fear, at the very root of it, the nature of it. Rather than fight it through some idea of courage, loving myself or self-affirmation. That are merely fed to us by the self-help gurus and experts. Everyone is a guru these days, telling everyone else what to do.
Why create the image in the first place. The thoughts that create the ego, the image about ourselves, thought says I am afraid and then thought tries to overcome it. How absurd!
A mind such as this, is it capable of acquiring a higher level through a practice of ‘meditation’? whatever kind it may be.
Can we practice kindness? courage? Can we cultivate humility? Can we cultivate love?
Love to be love, must not have its roots in hate.
Me thinking that I am not a loving person and starting to cultivate love through practice is me just deceiving myself.
That love is not love at all. It has roots in hate and is not different from hate.
Now, I can present it as love through the practiced smile, the right thing to say, etc. That is just perpetuating ingenuity.
One can not ‘practice’ love in the same way one can not practice humility, the same goes to trust or courage or anything like that.
To practice kindness out of thinking that I am not a kind person is stepping out of kindness.
Do not practice.
Now, what happens when we were to watch these behaviors without condemning them. Without condemning the fear, the moment that we regret where we lost control and burst into anger. Should we condemn anger? Should we condemn laziness? What happens when you do condemn them?
Hell, what happens when you don’t condemn the condemning thoughts? What happens when you watch each and every thought. These, thoughts if I were to watch it without the censor, or that commentary, the observer, whatever you want to call it, the thoughts cease to flow. There is no motive or choice. You are just watching.
Slowly you come to know how you are in the process of creating these small expectations that lead to disappointments, how that turns to anger etc. Same goes for fear. You are merely remembering, repeating image of what happened in the past, bringing a feeling into consciousness and worrying about it that may happen again! just more thinking.
Watch them and see what happens. When you are afraid, so to say, don’t call it fear. Don’t call it anger. Don’t call it anything. The word is not the thing. The description is not the thing. If you settle down at the description, you will never know what really your direct perception of an event is. Language interferes.
Calling something good or bad, both are same. They are value judgments, what you may call good is bad in someone else’s dictionary.
Don’t call them anything.
Be attentive to what I to come to attend to in this watching. I can not choose what to attend to. Then I am back in the loop again.
if I choose what to attend to, there is the motive. To become something in the future with the passing of time, that I am not right now. I am trying to hook myself into an ideal again.
So don’t practice. Watch, watch without motive. Watch the motives. It is al the content of your conscious awareness. And see what happens to fear or anger or anything.
But don’t try to get rid of them.
There is not really much You can do about it. You are the fear, you are the anger. It is all part of the image that your brain has created.