Do you know what meditation is? – Hint! It is not the marketed version.

Why do we meditate at all? Isn’t it to get better? To end suffering, to improve ourselves? To be stress free? Or some other version of it?

Most people seek out meditation to end suffering

I remember when I started looking into meditation it was to sleep properly. Thoughts kept me awake at the night and I was sleeping during the day. And it pushed me into a vicious circle of judging my situation for not sleeping, questioning my life, thinking my life was a failure and… something had to be done. The pain of being stuck was getting higher and higher.

Most of my pain was brought about by the loneliness. Not having someone to spend time with… Being an awkward kid, I was not – and I don’t think I am a very sociable person. Lack of connection also made me want to try out meditation so I will be able to transcend my thoughts, stay present and make a connection with someone, or at the very least get past the fears of rejection and talk to someone.

What would you do when you feel unworthy and undeserving?

These thoughts.

I am deep in my self doubt and not having any confidence. And you know what? I don’t even believe that I am doubting myself more. I just have this story to keep myself stuck. Yet if I measure my actions, this looks like stuck-ness.

Certainly not movement. I hate myself.

One of my teachers, he says, I’m pure being of joy. And he also says what is true for me is true for others. And recognise that I am not the only one. This helps, To know that I am not the only one.

A little bit.

I am trying to have compassion to others and to myself.

I want to be compassionate. And then again, I don’t want to be compassionate, I want to take care of myself first. It is a very egotistic thought. Now what? I am fucked.

Now, do I have any idea that how many people think the same way. That  “I want to take care of myself first, and I don’t care about others, I have put my entire life so far pleasing and taking care of and now for once I want to take care of me. And now all I can […]

By |2018-06-03T18:11:04+01:00November 27, 2017|Personal Growth Tips, Practice|0 Comments
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