Do you know what meditation is? – Hint! It is not the marketed version.

Why do we meditate at all? Isn’t it to get better? To end suffering, to improve ourselves? To be stress free? Or some other version of it?

Most people seek out meditation to end suffering

I remember when I started looking into meditation it was to sleep properly. Thoughts kept me awake at the night and I was sleeping during the day. And it pushed me into a vicious circle of judging my situation for not sleeping, questioning my life, thinking my life was a failure and… something had to be done. The pain of being stuck was getting higher and higher.

Most of my pain was brought about by the loneliness. Not having someone to spend time with… Being an awkward kid, I was not – and I don’t think I am a very sociable person. Lack of connection also made me want to try out meditation so I will be able to transcend my thoughts, stay present and make a connection with someone, or at the very least get past the fears of rejection and talk to someone.

Do you think you are overly sensitive?

Let’s first make a distinction. What do you mean by sensitivity? Sensitivity is not same as reactivity. Are you being reactive or sensitive?

Reactivity comes from egotism.

An urge to protect your self-image. The idea of you is hurt so you have to defend it. So, you react. Egotism in the sense that, something is attacking your concept of you. If you think you are honest and someone calls you a liar, you get hurt. That is being reactive. Not being sensitive.

The world does not revolve around you. You might think it does, like a child thinking everything that is happening around him/her is his doing. Parents fight, the kid thinks that it is because of him. Someone says something to you out of their own insecurities, you think it is you. Someone rejects you, you think it is because of you.

The coffee you ordered happens to be cold, or the waitress is slow in responding to you, you think she is being racist or something else. You get offended and then you want to punish them. That is not being sensitive at […]

Be Yourself, What Does It Mean?

“Be yourself”. This is a very common advice that you get from others, when you ask what you shall do? – in your confusion. This is being thrown around a lot as advice.

What do you mean?

Don’t people please – or look for validation from others, that is what it means in simple terms. Validation in the sense that you needing to feel good, or to feel right about yourself based on others’ opinions. Be yourself means not to change your behaviour according to the circumstances. Don’t put on different masks in different situations. People notice the inconsistency in your behaviours, and this is why they are eager to give such an advice. Because they recognise those behaviours in themselves, and they don’t like that. Their ideal is also to be the one who is “being themselves”.

We don’t understand what is meant by the statement “be yourself” because we often don’t know we are in these people pleasing or validation seeking behaviours. So, something like “be yourself” has no meaning to us. After all who are we being right now? if we are not ourselves. It can be rather absurd to hear something […]

By |2019-01-03T12:24:35+01:00December 24, 2018|Personal Growth Tips, Relationships|0 Comments

How your fear can hurt others – compassion as a reaction to violence, niceness – lying out of fear

­­This girl came to my hostel room the other day. She stayed for one night, and when I returned the next day, she was gone. Actually, she was not gone – she just changed rooms. We saw again in the elevator and she avoided eye contact and talking. We both knew what was going on.

I have to say, I got a little hurt by her actions, because she was afraid of me for some reason.

That got me thinking about the times that I would have hurt others because I was afraid of them. The times that I avoided them because I was afraid. Because they appeared a certain way, because they were hot, ugly or black (yeah, I know), wearing certain things, has tattoo etc.

Or merely because of my social anxiety, by thinking there is something wrong with me, that I am not good enough – all those times I avoided people.

Sometime back I was talking to this girl at a conference about my fear of women, that I am afraid to talk to women, she […]

By |2018-12-22T10:07:18+01:00December 14, 2018|Journal, Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Busyness, Avoidance, Anxiety of not Making Someone Out of You

Busyness – is it a symptom of something else? Is it a good thing or bad thing? Do you get points for being busy? Why are you always busy?

Being busy does not mean you are being productive. In fact, quite the opposite. Busy-ness stems from a fear of not being enough. A fear of being lazy. A fear of not having lived a worthwhile life. Wanting to look important in front of others. Busy-ness is being used as a measure of how much you are achieving without actually looking at what is being achieved. This kind of business is meaningless.

Busy-ness can be used as an excuse to avoid things that are actually challenging and important. ‘Can’t you see I am busy with something else?’- you say. You might be avoiding something that really needs looking at.

Relax and do only the things that matter.

Why do you do the things that you do? What is the reason behind your actions? What is the motive, what is the meaning – meaning as in – what is the outcome? […]

By |2018-12-24T20:49:31+01:00December 12, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Knowing Anxiety – Attention, Control, Pathology of Positivity

Anxiety is a state where you are worried about the future or about something that happened in the past repeating as a memory and being afraid that it might happen again. You are never in the present moment; your mind is always looking forward to things or ruminating over the things that happened.

An exercise like, mindfulness meditation that teaches to stay present to the present moment, without interpretation and meaning-giving – will help you manage your anxiety.

Attention through mindfulness. Attention is not concentration. Concentration is exclusive, you concentrate on a particular thing. Attention is awareness, there is no exclusion or inclusion. There is nothing to accept, things are there whether you accept or not. There is no seeking, wishing or hoping. Attention is goalless. You simply are aware of what is happening, what is, in the moment, around you, inside you, the sensations, the mood, the things that arises in your perception without labels such as happy, angry, tree, chair, blue, green etc – for all of these are the meaning that we give to things. And these stop us from further being […]

By |2018-12-24T21:07:22+01:00December 11, 2018|Meditation, Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

These Best Mindfulness Meditation Apps Have the Answers to Everything

When it comes to meditation people have a various questions, how to meditate, “I am a beginner, how do I meditate?”, “should I join a meditation retreat?”, join a cult, “should I be a full time or part time hippie?”, “should I go out shopping for vintage clothes and weird stones to wear to be able to meditate?” etc.

The essence of meditation is to be able to have a mind that is able to stand alone, without prejudices, judgement, not conflict with itself and no effort. It does not mean no thoughts, but the ability to see how thoughts, feelings, words distort one’s perception of the world.

For a beginner this might be a tad difficult to grasp. Especially if he/she wants to try meditation in order to fix something. In that case meditation only becomes a tool towards achieving something. Hence you are moving away from the experience of meditation.

A whole new set of attitude needs to be understood in order to approach meditation the right way. No grasping, no running, no fixing, no wanting to fix – none of that. But simply observing the inner workings of your mind – your psyche.

It is essentially […]

By |2018-10-20T12:22:23+01:00October 20, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

What Not to Do When Facing Your Fears

We all want to overcome fear, conquer fear and be courageous, be bold to take big risks, so you can be successful. Because taking big risks means having confidence and therefore leading to success. Right? That is what is being marketed anyway.

As long as confidence and fearlessness are in the equation of having success – if you “cultivate” or have more of it you will become successful one day. Confidence is the thing that you are missing, or the fears are standing in your way.

Then you have things like “lean into fear” taking small steps and all sorts of methodologies to beat fear in order to become confident and fearless.

Meditation to beat fear without even knowing what meditation really is.

So, you do that.

You take courses after courses, workshops after workshops.


The fears seem to persist, once you conquer one, another one creeps in. Or, it comes about in a different form.

You want to overcome your fear of rejection, so you go out and get rejected by people, you get comfortable with that.

And then you come across something else that you want to do – the fear is still there. Can you do this for every fear […]

By |2018-09-28T14:44:37+01:00September 28, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Forcing motivation is like trying to force an orgasm

You all know the times when you wake up – and then you say to yourself – this is a great day! I am going to do great things! – and you cannot even get up. Then you excuse yourself, “okay I got up late”, but I am going to make up for it for the rest of the day. And at the end of the day, you have not done much, you feel shitty.

“I will do it tomorrow” – “I will make up for it tomorrow”. You can’t wait for it to be the morning. Lying in your bed, you are planning in your head the best execution plan and how you are going to do it the next day.

That never happens. Instead, the cycle repeats!

You all know what I am talking about?

There is just not enough motivation to be NOT LAZY and do something.

The safety of familiarity and the challenge of your competence – the perfect yin and yang

Sometimes I feel like doing things. Sometimes I don’t. For this reason, I think motivation comes and goes.

I don’t want to do things, sometimes, because I am uncomfortable attempting new things – it is a […]

By |2018-09-21T00:40:42+01:00August 19, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Is Living Worry Free Our Greatest Anxiety?

We try to change our thoughts in the hope that we can affect our emotions. Because we are resistant to feeling fear, anger, sadness, restlessness, agitation, boredom, shame, unworthiness, loneliness etc.

What if you were at more peace with these states of being? Would not that stop you from hating your thoughts so much. Would a negative thought cause so much harm anymore? The harm is not caused by the thought itself. Rather, it is caused by your action of hating yourself. You cannot control hating you for hating you either. That is just how it is. You cannot control any of this. Maybe it is time to wake up to this.

Would not we resign from our lives then? If we were to accept everything, would we make use of our lives? But, is not that another anxious thought again. You are missing every moment.

You are not really living because you are always worried about the future, not just you, me too. Us. We are not really living.

Can we just drop all sorts of worrying? Now that causes real anxiety. Because the answer is very unsure. It is irresponsible to drop worrying, right? It […]

By |2018-09-21T12:44:12+01:00August 8, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|2 Comments
Subscribe To Newsletter
Be the first to get travel and personal development tips. Delivered straight to your inbox
Stay Updated
Give it a try, you can unsubscribe anytime.