Why courses, books or any Guru’s advice will not save your relationship

 

It’s laziness.

When we look up to a guru, a book, a coach, a savior, it is the relinquishment of responsibility and making someone else responsible. Someone else is the teacher, the coach, etc. 

If you are the very first person on earth, who would you look up to? You have to find out for yourself.

That brings a great deal of competence and confidence with whatever you are doing, because you are learning by doing. You are exercising your own intellect and not borrowing someone else’s.

We want to take the easy pill, do a course, go to a workshop, read a New York times bestseller to fix the relationship, or be in a relationship. 

We are becoming lazy in that regard.

If you don’t take that kind of responsibility by relinquishing authority, asking someone else to how to ‘do relationship’ then we don’t need to confront the fact that we may fail, and we were responsible for it, that we contributed to the failure. And that failure can be […]

By |2019-06-27T00:50:04+00:00June 27, 2019|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

22 Reasons Why You Fail in Relationships

Some relationship advice now. I am not a relationship expert by any means. I have some experience in coaching people on relationships before. I have taken numerous courses around this subject, even got married for two months (fake) to try out what marriage feels like. Now, it is not the real deal but it is something.

These are my observations in my own relationships and my friends, my clients, stuff I have read in books and I thought, ‘that is actually true’. Take them as my opinions and hopefully, you can relate. I have tried a lot the bullshit out there, taking one course after another only to realize they are all the same – different forms – ideologies, but the same nonetheless.

To navigate your relationship, you have to spend some energy into what works for you, for that self-awareness and attention are necessary to see what is going around you and in the person you are in a relationship with.

Here I am only trying to give some pointers to the nature of relationships that I have observed in my journey so […]

Why Fear of The Unknown is Really Fear of The Known

I don’t think there is such a thing as fear of the unknown. Here’s why.

You don’t know what is going to happen so why are you afraid of something that you don’t know about? You don’t know if it is harmful to you.

Is it because we don’t know whether what is not known is good or bad for us? We only know what happens when we engage with what we don’t understand fully because we had such an experience before. And that knowledge is known, but that is not applicable to every future event.

So, there is no such thing as fear of the unknown. It is rather the fear of the known. Rather it is the fear of what you have already felt before, a sense of powerlessness when we engage with things that we can’t control. The sense of nervousness. If you look at a closer look at it, it is the fear of how you have felt and the fear of some familiar nasty thoughts repeating. And treating such feelings and thoughts that have not occurred yet as things […]

By |2019-03-20T11:46:43+00:00March 20, 2019|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Why What You Say You Want is Not What You Want

If you have an explanation of why you can’t do certain something, you are using it as an excuse not to do it. More importantly, you don’t value what you say you value. It is possible that you are being polite and seemingly agreeing with whoever you are talking to (even in a desperate attempt to convince yourself) and not being honest about the situation. It is that you don’t value it to do so much. Clearly!

But you seem to think somehow, that by appearing to be valuing that which the other person values, you are getting the recognition and approval from the other. To seem to be doing what others are doing, to do what the common notion of a good life is, you deprive yourself of your one single opportunity to find out for yourself.

This is why people seem to say one thing and act in a different way. To look at the actions is probably more accurate if you want to give a verbal explanation of why people do the things they do.

But it does not […]

Simple Guidance For You In Anxiety

I read routine helps anxiety. Having a sense of control. As long as you feel you are in control you are less prone to anxiety.

But is that living? Always in control because you are afraid of being anxious. Do you want a routine? It is conformity. I wouldn’t like it.

More than like it, it makes me dull. That must make people dull, routine, doing the same things over and over again, not making any kind of progress in life.

How about learning about anxiety, having direct contact with anxiety, without words, without translating the contact with the voice in your head. And even if you do, see them as an appearance in your field of experience. The field of experience being the sensations, seeing colours, smell, thoughts, whatever you happen to notice right now. Without the running or clinging after it because you dislike or like it.

That way you don’t have to follow a routine or want to be in control. The sense of insecurity that is triggered by anxiety, anxious thoughts, is that a fact? Does it actually secure you?

By |2019-03-01T17:03:01+00:00March 1, 2019|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Why Courage is an idea and a Myth

Courage is an idea, so is fearlessness. In the now, it is just now.

I can guess what you are thinking. Hash is saying another obscure thing. Let me go into a little bit.

Courage is an idea created by comparison. Measurement through thoughts. How courageous are you compared to another? Same with fearlessness how afraid are you compared to someone else.

That measurement is the sense of ‘I’. The Ego. Not just in the common use of the word, which is ego equals pride. It is also operating when there is any kind of comparison, which is, for most of us, always. We don’t even know that we are talking to ourselves mostly.

So, if you were to ask, how you are to become courageous, that will not be the appropriate question to ask. Because you want to become an idea you have as ‘courageous’

And that idea is given to you, by others, society and so on. They might have told you that in order […]

By |2019-02-28T02:02:16+00:00February 28, 2019|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

What I Wish Everyone Knew About Journalling

I have stopped journaling. Well, that is not entirely true, I have restricted my journalling habits. I also have a journal section on this very blog.

The way I use it has changed. I use it more or less share my internal world to others, it is no more a private affair that way.

Though, I have a personal journal too, that I don’t share here, simply because some are too dark to share here – or too embarrassing.

Journaling is more or less regular for me for the last 6 years or so – in different forms.

The way I had been journaling

Whenever I feel like. More accurately whenever I have to get something out of my chest. Whether I am going through sadness, fear, anger or even when I am happy. To be honest, I only turn to journaling whenever I see there is some problem with my mind, not when I am happy. Maybe I should, […]

By |2019-02-26T14:50:38+00:00February 26, 2019|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Worrying is Our Nature

It is the nature of our brain. Our brains are programmed to solve problems. So, if you are not solving a problem, the brain is smart enough to create a problem, which it can then solve. It constantly looks for problems out there to fix. That is what worrying is.

And most times, it is based on past knowledge. That we don’t want something that happened in the past to repeat in the future. Especially if the past was unpleasant.

The underlying motivation, the decision to act, is based on an urge for pleasure or move away from pain. The past was painful – so you don’t want it to repeat. If the past was pleasurable then you want it to repeat.

Both are the same movement of thoughts though, just that the nature of the end goal is a bit different.

If you think about your misery now, why is it there? Isn’t is because you are constantly thinking about a time where there is no misery. You think about how you are not there now, you think, […]

By |2019-06-27T01:17:23+00:00February 24, 2019|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

The Trap of “How”

How do I do something? I often ask that. At my work I ask, ‘how do I code this piece of software’? In relationships, I ask, ‘How do I communicate this thing to her’, ‘How do I ask someone out’, ‘how do I approach someone’, ‘How do I communicate this to my family’, ‘How do I tell her that I am angry?’

‘How’ implies planning. The “how” works from the field of knowledge. Knowledge is what you know. Stored in your memory.

It implies, thinking, script making, in order to execute something. It is planning. It is great when it comes to work. You can solve a problem by asking ‘How’

The problem though, however, is when you start asking the same thing where your knowledge has no or little value. For example, relationships.

Relationships involve care, above all. It is not a question of ‘How’. You can’t plan how to care!

If you do, you don’t care. You are in your head.

Relationships imply that there needs to be communication, not just […]

By |2019-02-25T01:04:24+00:00February 23, 2019|Lifestyle, Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Training Others How to Treat You – Key To Successful Relationships

You might have heard about this idea before. When you said that your boyfriend does not treat you the way you want to, or your girlfriend does not respect you.

And believe it or not, you can change your relationship if you know how to relate to one another. One such aspect of being in a relationship is to train others how to engage with you.

That’s right, people react to you differently. Think about it. You act differently with different people, right? You will not be the same way as with your mom as you are with your partner (if you are then you have a different problem)

Training others on how to treat you is not about controlling them, which is what most people think, when they hear something like this.

Taking a hard look at yourself and keeping your side of the street clean, always.

I want you to treat me the way that I want. For this, I might think that you are being unfair, and you are not respecting me and all that. But secretly I am eliciting behaviors, […]

By |2019-02-05T05:26:02+00:00February 5, 2019|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments
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