The yearning to do the right thing, to live the right way – Why do we have that?

May be religion has something to do with it. Do the right thing and then you will go to heaven. I am not a religious person though. So why. To be a good person. To be loved. Do the right thing so I will be loved. And if they don’t it is their loss. To give me a sense of personal importance that others fail to recognise.

The underdog feeling. Only I know that I am great, anyone who fails to recognize it is a fool.

May be. Or may it be the sheer unwillingness to change. That I have accepted the fate that I was born into a certain condition and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am doubting the validity of that premise. Because, you know, I am not sure.

I want to change – at the same time I believe change is not possible. There is no free will. I literally can’t choose what I am going to think the next moment. How can I plan my entire life, if I am at the mercy of my knowledge and memories?

By |2019-02-09T16:09:20+00:00February 9, 2019|Journal|0 Comments

Arguing is OK

I had a rather interesting argument today.

I had booked a double bed in Best western hotel in Nottingham. I had 6 nights booked. I realised that when I started settling into the room, that the double bed is, in fact, two beds joined together.

Normally, I would just accept it. I am not the guy who rock the boat usually. I am too chill sometimes. This time, I was furious. I had paid about £500 for 6 nights and I had booked a double room.

I went down and talked to the receptionists there. I told them it is deception (scam was the word that I wanted to use) that they put double room on the listing and then give me two single beds joined. They said ‘all the beds’ are like that. I argued, you should not put it as a double room then. To which she said, it is the size of the double room that is why it is double room.

According to her logic, if she had put a single bed in a double room, that […]

By |2019-02-08T00:29:34+00:00February 8, 2019|Journal|0 Comments

Tallinn Experience – My Trip To Estonia

Estonia was part of a trip with a friend of mine. We met a few years learning how to pick-up women back in 2015. Since then we stayed connected though haven’t necessarily “picked up” women. This was a trip to re bond and have a good time, and good time we had, indeed.

I am not a sight seer usually, nor is he. So, don’t expect me to share 10 things to see in Tallinn in Estonia.

But the ones that I do are usually the walking tours in every city. We went to the local bars, visited local coffee shops and walked around this small city a lot.

On a rainy day we set out to meet some people around the malls in Tallinn, the first day was a disaster, it was raining, cold and there were not many people in around the malls, at least that is the impression that we got. We were only starting to get to know the city.

On our first day, we checked into our Airbnb. The host was extremely detailed and even told us “this […]

By |2018-12-31T23:55:38+00:00December 31, 2018|Journal, Travel|0 Comments

How your fear can hurt others – compassion as a reaction to violence, niceness – lying out of fear

­­This girl came to my hostel room the other day. She stayed for one night, and when I returned the next day, she was gone. Actually, she was not gone – she just changed rooms. We saw again in the elevator and she avoided eye contact and talking. We both knew what was going on.

I have to say, I got a little hurt by her actions, because she was afraid of me for some reason.

That got me thinking about the times that I would have hurt others because I was afraid of them. The times that I avoided them because I was afraid. Because they appeared a certain way, because they were hot, ugly or black (yeah, I know), wearing certain things, has tattoo etc.

Or merely because of my social anxiety, by thinking there is something wrong with me, that I am not good enough – all those times I avoided people.

Sometime back I was talking to this girl at a conference about my fear of women, that I am afraid to talk to women, she […]

By |2018-12-22T10:07:18+00:00December 14, 2018|Journal, Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Planning To Visit the Cheaper Finland – Estonia

I am taking some days off chilling in Warsaw before my trip to Estonia. I will be meeting with one of my friends there and we have eight days planned. Because that was how much vacation days he could take.

Travelling from Warsaw to Tallinn seems like effort. If I take the bus it is about 19 hours, but I don’t think I can stomach it. The alternative is to take a combination of trains and buses, via Kaunas, Vilnius, Riga and Tallinn stopping and staying in those places. With only one week left to the trip I suspect spending 2 nights in each town be worth it. Besides I am not a fan of 2-day trips to anywhere.

I would rather spend a couple of weeks doing nothing, doing what I like, which is writing and spend time like that. Sometimes out of the need to generate content for my blog, I go out and visit some places. To create the next “Top things to do in a city”.

I don’t think I am a great fan of sightseeing that way, though I like travelling just for the feel and experience of travelling, new places, many trains […]

By |2018-09-28T20:39:34+00:00September 28, 2018|Journal|0 Comments

Why You Should Visit Lviv, Ukraine – Legends, Whips, Gas lamps and Baby sharks

Ukraine was my first destination after my Chile trip for my friend’s wedding.  I was conflicted whether to spend more days in South America or come back to Europe. Ukraine had been on my mind for some time now. Lviv especially, since a colleague of mine when I was working in Amsterdam mentioned it a few years back.

I had my reservations about Ukraine.

I was thinking,

Is it safe enough to visit? What the media portrays, how far is it from reality?

For I’d been told not to trust the news and mass media at all when travelling.

From Kiev To Lviv By Train

I landed in Kiev first. I did not like Kiev very much. People were rude to me. They were not friendly.


I understand that people don’t owe me help, but if at all help was needed, I could not easily find help. Luckily, I’d gotten a local sim card when I landed, and the internet made my life easier.

It is not to say everyone is like that, maybe it was because they were overworked in the capital city.

I often worry about racism and physical harm when I travel, something that I am working on, in terms of […]

By |2018-09-20T15:21:23+00:00September 20, 2018|Journal|1 Comment

Last 3 Months in Review

I have been travelling 3 months now since my last job. Hoping to make some money online. I did not.

To be honest I did not make a lot of effort to make that happen.

One thing that I am proud of though,  is that I have a habit of doing my writing practices in the morning every day.

My new found rhythm of meditating daily and writing daily is making me happy.

Something that was not very healthy

I went out and drank a lot for most of July. I had fun. It also caused me to be tired the next day. I woke up late.

I am stopping drinking for a while now. Let’s see how that will turn out, lets see if I will stick to it.


Developing a habit of socialising is important to me. My normal tendency is to direct my attention inwards and isolate. Then soon I start hating people. So that was one of the priorities. I am very consistent in talking to strangers and making new acquaintances. I am also flirting a little more than before. So that is good.

I am getting more and more confident with approaching women, getting comfortable with it. Though to […]

By |2018-09-21T12:58:01+00:00August 2, 2018|Journal|0 Comments

The Belief That I Am Useless

The belief that I am useless.

The belief that I am useless stops me from attempting anything.

I don’t want to fail.

You don’t want to feel the pain of failing.

You would rather pretend that you are capable and protect your ego, rather than putting yourself to test.

This is why we have a lot of talkers and not walkers.

On the other end of the spectrum is morally superior people

I do service and I am better than you.

They look down on people who is not doing what they are doing.

They think they are virtuous.

Is it really a virtue? Or is it protecting their own shortcoming.

How would they feel about themselves, if they suddenly stop being virtuous?

Would they still feel  complete?

Will they still feel their inherent virtue? that does not depend on what you do, how you live your life?

That is only dependent on your existence, your right to exist?

Do you really believe in the right to exist?

Morality is a curse.

Is being immoral better? I do not know.

What to believe?

To believe that I am useful.

Useful to who?

That […]

By |2018-06-23T12:08:20+00:00June 23, 2018|Journal|0 Comments

A little story about my own depression, what I can tell you to get out of it!

My first depression was when I was sent to boarding school. I felt abandoned by my parents, thought they only cared about having me scoring good grades and becoming an engineer or doctor.

I didn’t feel useful. I think that was the main cause of it. I felt useless. I resorted to violence and an inflated self importance to get attention. I was good challenging people though, I had caused chaos in my college, got expelled from two schools, though I was a top scorer. My grades fell eventually. I felt useless. I fell sick with migraines and I had to remove myself from noises and light and was very angry.

I think the lack of the feeling that were useful is at the source of it. My household was not a supportive environment. There was a lot of domestic violence, I got a lot of it. At that point also there were a lot of family disputes as well between my father and his brothers. So was in the middle of their fights with axes and iron rods and shit! This was my normal life. So it did not help much not getting depressed.

There were a […]

By |2018-06-19T11:16:41+00:00June 19, 2018|About Me, Journal|0 Comments

Dealing With Travel Fears – Here Is A List Of My Fears

When it comes to dealing with travel fears, there is mostly one thing that you can do.

It is to travel.

As with anything, overcoming a fear usually involves with engaging with the fear directly.

And how you do one thing, is how you do everything. This is why I love to use travel as my personal transformation too.

Each day I am getting more and more confident, in the following areas. I can say I am a lot different than from where I started off, 4 years ago.

Dealing with Travel Fears – My List

When it comes to travelling, each one of us have different fears.

I had to face a lot of fears when I started travelling. I am also continuously facing these one by one.

Hopefully you can relate to me in some ways.

I am learning to belong everywhere, I have come to an understanding that belonging is created by self acceptance. The level of self acceptance I feel determine the level of belonging I feel.

So Here’s the list

  1. Getting physically assaulted – I am thinking of doing a martial arts course for this.
  2. Going to Jail
  3. Getting mugged
  4. […]

By |2018-06-16T22:58:22+00:00June 16, 2018|Journal|0 Comments
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