Browsing Category Journal

Long Term Travel Preparation – Handling your belongings

In 2013 I decided to change my lifestyle. The emphasis is on “decided”, going through it all the way through, is another question. Anyway, one thing that sticked is the travel. I left my leased apartment in central London, in warren street, and booked a one-way ticket to Thailand. And I returned after nearly a year of roaming. Did n’t do a plenty lot, went…

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Fear of hurt in relationships

Who gets rejected? Who is rejecting? I am afraid of being humiliated, maybe that’s because of one’s childhood. Strict parents etc. The reason does not matter. Knowing the reasons for problems hasn’t solved the problems. I read a book, read something about the psychology of the problem, then I say ‘oh that must be it’. Then I go on to tell someone else, or even…

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Why did I get sick of travel?

I used to enjoy traveling, at least I thought so. I used to go, I was on the road for a long time, for the last few years. Coming back to London only when I wanted to work, to make some money. Now, I am not that eager to travel. I may even dread it in some way. The experiences of travel, my experiences were…

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It’s been a while…

I am reluctant to write anything nowadays. How do I write about something when I think expressing oneself for all the wrong purposes is abominable. I can see that my wanting to be recognized, appreciated is playing out in this game. The root of all this is, I think is, well.. I don’t know. An overactive mind and imagination, for now, let’s say it is…

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Pain

Seeking pleasure when there is pain. That’s what we do when we reach for that chocolate bar when we feel sad. That’s what we do when we reach for the next bottle of alcohol. These are very obvious. Subtle ones are, seeking a change in oneself. To be better. Seeking spiritual enlightenment. To know better. Join a community, believe in something, God so it makes…

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Expecting attention

If I am talking to someone, I expect them to give me their attention. Especially when it is they who approached me asking for help. I am spending my valuable time, to help this person and he doesn’t listen. It is so irritating. I lost my cool with this guy today. He asked me for help. I was helping him. He gets called by someone…

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Praise

Don’t praise me. I don’t like it. You are praising me because you want something. It puts pressure on me to perform. You praise me once, the next time I think I am expected to perform better. Praise implies there is criticism on the other end. Praise can not be without criticism. They exist together. Praise as criticism, is just words. They don’t mean anything….

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Shame

I should be doing something. that is what I am thinking. I am uncomfortable when I am not doing anything. Then again I am uncomfortable doing something when I don’t know the outcome of that something. How do I balance this? Do I need to balance this? What is the question here? What is the problem? What is the root cause? Surely it must be…

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Lonely

Why am I sad? I don’t have what others have. Arising from the comparison. I am not as successful as someone else, my closest friend, my ex-girlfriend. I look at her Instagram stories and pics and get jealous. That sadness is really envy. They’re so together, I can’t tell the difference. Loneliness. loneliness is in relation to others. If there was no one else here…

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