What is this blog about?

So, I am a programmer, right?

And I have been doing it for a long time.

It is a 9-5 job. I am lucky when I get a remote contract, that allows me to travel and work from anywhere in the world.

Here is my current lifestyle.

I contract with several companies for a duration of 3-6 months at a time and then travel for the rest of the year. I have been doing this since 2013.

Now I want something different. I want an online income, ditching the boss completely.

Also, I am facing my own heavy psychological conditioning and fear that holds me back from doing all that.

This blog is a log of my journey in all that.

  • Travel
  • Creating financial independence.
  • To think for myself an ignore the jargon out there.
  • Creating an online income

Etc.

Content here is a mix of personal experience and research.

Here you can read about me trying stuff and […]

By |2019-10-03T19:51:10+00:00October 3, 2019|About Me, Journal, Lifestyle|0 Comments

Why You should not ‘Cultivate’ Self Love To Overcome Anxiety

Dealing with anxiety can not be done by practicing courage or self-love. You are just merely setting yourself up for another ideal and inviting more anxiety

The thing about practice.

Practice makes your brain dull. You can master a certain skill by repeating it, even make it unconscious, a muscle memory to do a certain task. But it makes your brain dull. There is no newness.

So much tension and tightness around the whole process.

There is some sort of conforming, disciplining to do a thing. A level of condemnation. Forcing your mind.

But are you really practicing what you want to practice when it comes to internal matters to the mind? Skills like being a good doctor or a carpenter, that takes time and repetition. But when it is inwards, say when you are afraid, can you really practice courage? for example.

Every time when you practice being courageous, that is saying that I am afraid, so I am trying to be courageous. That is not courage but a mere reaction to fear. I am still in fear.

I’ve been hurt, so I will stand tall, grab the universe by the balls, love myself, […]

By |2019-09-17T22:22:19+00:00September 17, 2019|Coaching, Journal|0 Comments

Stop Your Self-improvement Now

It is a moronic behavior to self-improve. The self who is trying to improve is the self that needs changing. It is fairly obvious that it is doomed to fail. It is a fallacy to self-improve.

On the other hand, is it different from change? I am not talking about transformation. Transformation is merely the same thing in a different form. It is merely attaching yourself into another set of ideas, that you think is more useful to you. It is only the same thoughts taking a different form.

Change as in sudden change. Not gradual. Because change cannot be gradual. Anything gradual is cultivated. That is not change – it is a habit.  For example, meditating every day is not meditation. It is practice, conforming to a procedure and hence not meditation at all. Discipline in that sense is conformity. It can only form a habit, it cannot bring about any kind of fundamental change.

And hence, any satisfaction of having a different lifestyle, a different outlook on the world. It cannot bring about any contentment, because you have been doing the same thing, again and again, without realizing, thinking that you were doing something different, in […]

By |2019-09-17T22:23:45+00:00February 22, 2019|Journal|3 Comments

No one likes a doormat

No one likes a doormat, right? I mean a person who allows others to walk all over him or her. I’m talking more specifically about men in relating to women. Have a spine already, right?

Have your own opinions. Don’t blindly agree to everything she says. Or to anyone. Other men too. Be a light onto yourself. Be your own authority. Make up your own rules. As an adult you can own up to do that.

Doormat people are that way because they believe that if they disagree or rock the boat, they will not be loved. They will lose the love they have already. But the love you have now, is that real love. Isn’t the other person same as you trying to own you – have no respect for you. That is not love brother. Or sister.

Not only in relationships, but in any relationships, it is important to have a spine. To disagree, to get angry etc.

There is nothing wrong with showing anger. In fact, you will be less angry if you listen to yourself. […]

By |2019-09-17T22:24:34+00:00February 19, 2019|Journal, Lifestyle Design|0 Comments

Rejecting all authority

I need to reject all authority in order to grow. The authority of knowledge and experience. The authority of the so-called experts. Find out things for myself. I have been dependent on books and workshops for a long time.

It was merely an escape from the responsibility of finding things out for myself. Now that I am starting to understand what it means to reject authority, I am feeling lighter and secure. The reality of security and not the imagined security of status, recognition etc.

I am not popular, but I am getting free.

I am disliked but I am free.

People judge me, but that is up to them. That is none of my business. Selfishness really is selflessness.

Wanting to be loved, recognised, appreciated – that is in the way of being okay with myself. The whole construct of me is just a bunch of opinions that are recorded in reaction to others around me. Time to find out what it really means to be me.

I reject the idea of meaning of life and […]

By |2019-02-18T21:23:01+00:00February 15, 2019|Journal|0 Comments

I lie to you because you are too sensitive… and other bullshit

I have heard this a few times.

The first time it was a friend of mine to another. He said, I can’t tell anything to you truthfully, you are too sensitive. So, I have to lie. He thinks he is protecting her. Poor guy. He is protecting himself by not wanting her upset. He does not want to be the bad guy. But inherently by lying to her constantly, he is in a bad behaviour. He is using her sensitivity as an excuse. If anything, I know, people do things because of themselves.

I have been truthful in my relationships, fairly truthful. I have found truth and honesty is not what the other wants. It is hearing what they want to hear. Relationships are a way to boost one’s own ego. The man boosts his ego from his woman and the woman from the man. Women are more selfish than men, even if it is marketed otherwise. Maybe it is a survival thing. Love is getting taken care of these days, it seems.

So, to my point, sensitivity, or being perceived as sensitive can lead other people to lie to you, […]

By |2019-02-11T20:22:10+00:00February 14, 2019|Journal|0 Comments

Are we all mentally ill?

We all are. None of us have access the actuality of the things. Only thought described version of things. And then we make more conclusions based on any previous neurotic memory and conclusions.

Our thoughts create the reality around us. Reality is not actuality. Everything is so real and vivid to you because thought says so. But that does not mean they are actual.

Our brains have the capacity to filter out anything that it does not important and get obsessed with things that it deems important even if they are not in actuality.

There are studies done on this.

The Gorilla experiment where you put a gorilla into a scene, a video that is being played to the participants, they totally miss the Gorilla, because the were nudged in a different direction with a different question. Something like that.

And then there is the Rubber hand experiment, where the brain confuses the rubber hand to be the actual hand.

Some might say, our reality – our perception of the world is a […]

By |2019-02-11T20:21:37+00:00February 13, 2019|Journal|0 Comments

The Pursuit of Superiority

I pursue superior things for personal growth – to be better than the next person. There will always be a person who is better than me, there will be always someone who I can look down unto.

I go after more inspiration, more self-discipline, to be a better programmer, to be a better ladies’ man, to be a better meditator, to be a better writer. This pursuit inevitably creates a hierarchy, as Jordan Peterson would say.

Well, I know this too. There are always people above me and below me. And I will never stop that as long as comparison is the measure.

I am pondering up on this idea of one foot in front of the other. That is the only thing that I have to look at. Am I walking? Not even comparing to myself. Just walking. One foot in front of the other. I don’t stop to evaluate my value based on comparison at all. There is no better. There is just a movement. Where can I walk until?

Morally superior, physically superior, spiritually superior – all has this underlying theme of wanting to feel superior. […]

By |2019-02-11T20:19:17+00:00February 12, 2019|Journal|0 Comments

Information is prison

We consume information. Whether it is garbage like the social media, gossip or it is the intellectual information, philosophy, knowledge for a skill etc.

We keep on reading and reading and reading, watching one videos after another and it does not simply seem to have an effect on the quality of our living.

Information gives us a false sense of security and an illusion of progress. Reading endless books and attending endless seminars, you may think, you are getting somewhere, but it is only a well-designed trick of the mind to give you an illusion of progress – that you are doing ‘something’ about it – well you are not.

Reading about becoming a good carpenter is not sufficient to be a good carpenter.

But it gives you the apparatus to talk about these things to other people, may be even show off with your knowledge. Does that mean you are good at it, absolutely no. It is obvious that talking about something and doing it are quite different things.

We recognize this in other people, […]

By |2019-09-17T22:25:09+00:00February 11, 2019|Journal|0 Comments

Figure out YOUR reasons/excuses you have for not having/doing the things you want.

Address those reasons, if they were really the reasons, and you still want to have that something you would have if the reasons were not there, you would be addressing the reasons that is standing in your way.

If you are not addressing those reasons, that is apparently “in your way”, then it is fairly obvious, they are just mere reasons, presentable ones and you and I know both know that you don’t really want whatever it is that you keep saying that you want, but you keep saying that you can’t.

For example, people say that they want to travel, when someone hears what I do, but they can’t because of this that etc. They don’t really want to do it, but at the same time, they don’t want to feel any less than me for they are not doing it. Maybe they have the image that I am doing what a ‘successful’ person would do.

They don’t want to feel inferior, because the have the capacity to do, right? But they simply can’t do it because of family etc. The […]

By |2019-02-10T19:49:44+00:00February 10, 2019|Journal|0 Comments
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