When we look at our fear with attention, without the past recognition of fear, look at the feeling of it. There is great care.
That attention perhaps brings about a certain sense of care towards fear, and perhaps love towards fear. I am not talking about ‘self-love’, which is stupid in my opinion. I am not talking about cultivating anything. I am talking about attending to it right now, without postponing it, without dismissal of the fear, in the sense that you will come to it after. Like you would dismiss a 3-year-old.
I am talking about attending to your fear, to the feeling.
And that turning into it may be dissolution of it.
As opposed to the running away – ‘how can I overcome’, and so on.
Not even saying, I am afraid. Or there is fear. Not identifying it through words. Not giving the feeling a meaning. Calling it fear may be trying to define it, reduce it to a word. To give us the certain authority of knowing what it is. We may be afraid of saying ‘I don’t know’ – we quickly jump to the conclusion, because we don’t know what to do with it.
That level of attention, not only to the feeling of fear, but to any feeling, or that level of attention to another person, without thoughts interfering, and therefore evaluation based on the past memories, could be love.
And there is no one to tell you whether you love.
Perhaps, that is the confusion around love itself too. When we don’t know something, we tend to conceptualise, create ideas, in order to give us a sense of stability.
This probably is the same mechanism through which we created God.
And not knowing love, we create ideas about love.
Not knowing fear, we ideate what fear is, and the after-effects of it. Or come to the conclusion that our certain failings, behaviours – which may be real or a fantasy – maybe because of fear.
We say we don’t have self-esteem and so we are not confident, that we can’t stand up for ourselves. Self-esteem, standing up, voicing our opinions, these all seems to me at this point, as the movement of the same thing. Not knowing we ideate. And also in that process, put the ‘me’ in it. So we can feel somewhat secure because this is the process that I create the identity for myself. By comparing myself to others, because I don’t know myself.
So not knowing, perhaps, maybe the cause of all this ideation, and the desire for security in the form of wanting to know.
Wanting to know one’s purpose destroys any chance of knowing what one enjoys, for example. The purpose being an ideation. Or you simply don’t want to be put in the category of lazy people.
Can we look at what is? What is is what is. Any dialogue based on what is is not what is. It is running away from that.
To look at what is, we need to look at something with attention, knowing the importance of this, that this is serious. That, bringing one’s own experience, personal or otherwise, conceptions and so on into the looking destroys any chance knowing what is. Because you will be merely repeating what you have already known.
When you bring your past experience, thoughts, memories, ideas, that is adding to what you already know. There is no looking at what is. It is confirmation bias.
I guess, there is a little effort, in the sense that a certain sense of focusing, not quite concentration – to do that. And that may feel a bit tiresome. But you would do it, if you care wouldn’t you. Can it be done, absolutely with no effort? I think that maybe possible by attending. It is the ‘how I am to do this’? ‘tell me how’ etc that creates a sense of effort. And then you are already gone off in a different direction.
The very act of attention perhaps rewires a few things in us when we are not concluding, confirming – adding to what we know, without even us knowing about it.
And it is not something that is done, I think, by taking out 2 minutes out of your day to meditate or anything like that. That sets an intention and destroys the whole thing. You have already set a direction to where you want to go.
It is, I think, constant listening to oneself, others, and everything that comes across our mind. I don’t think we ought to choose what we need to attend to. It is more of, seeing what is there. We may not need to say, let’s look at our fears and deal with it for example. It may be that you have identified yourself with the fear so much that, that is what you want to attend and resolve.
It may be that you are trying to dissolve an idea.
Attention may be love. Attending to fear may be love. Attending!