Travel for personal transformation. 3 Comfort Zone Edges That I Am Expanding
This post is about how I intend to travel as a means for personal growth.
I heard this one time Jason Silva talks about his creative process in creating videos. It turns out he is improvising in each one of them. He also talks about how he travels to a new place, or perhaps a change of environment to get the sense of the newness. To put him at the start of flow state. I am paraphrasing here, this might not what exactly he said. I don’t want to get in trouble.
So that was an idea.
I have several edges that I want to explore. The past 3 years, I’ve been experimenting with stating what I want and being true to myself. Stating clear boundaries with others, friends and girlfriends whoever that might be. And of course parents.
At some point I started to dislike it. If I am constantly stating I want to be congruent, this is who I am and that I am happy with being not happy, I was n’t getting anywhere. Perhaps the idea of ‘getting anywhere needs to be dropped’
I know this, I was not happy.
I am not happy now either.
Perhaps the idea of chasing after happiness is a false construct. After all it is an emotion like sadness or anger, hoping that it stays longer than it does created frustration, anger and anxiety. It is ironic how chasing happiness moves you further away from it.
So I was not happy. I was lying to myself.
Somewhere inside me, I’ve been telling to myself I needed to change.
I considered myself a truth ninja, telling truth to others, telling them what I was thinking, how I was feeling.
I am not sure if I said those things because I wanted to tell the truth, or it was merely out of the fear of rejection and the need to be liked for telling the truth. Perhaps I wanted the women to recognise me for how truthful I am and love me for it. I think it was large part of it and I was lying to myself. I was a nice guy, but not really nice to people around me.
Now, I am glad that I stayed true to myself at the level that I knew and having a group of friends where I could do this, had the freedom to do so.
At some point I grew comfortable how I was living when I was in London.
I had good friends, many of whom I don’t actually consider now are good friends. There was a trigger point when I decided to leave that pushed me to leave. I will talk about this in another post.
I had a job, which I did not quite enjoy. But was comfortable with it. It paid me good money, but I grew comfortable.
I was uncomfortable with the fact that I was comfortable.
I wanted to grow, I wanted to live intensely, may be according to the judge in my head, stupid even.
Unrealistic, who do I think I am? huh?
At this point, I actually don’t know what is right or wrong. I am just throwing stones in the dark.
I have no intention to work, though I want to make money so I have to work. If I am given an option where I don’t have to make money, I will do that. May be there is. May be it is a path that few people walk in. Then I definitely won’t be the conventional successful. The fear of judgement kicks in.
There are some edges for me.
So, going back to Jason’s content, I thought there is some truth to it. I myself have experienced a sense of joy when I am on the road. At least for the first few days. Until I get bored in a city.
And I am using travelling as a personal development programme. A long term program. That will put me in a constant growing position.
Now, I am not sure when I will start to hate it.
I also want to use travel as a content generator for my blog, connect with my readers etc. that will eventually give me some passive income, where I don’t have to work. That is another edge.
Now I don’t believe that I can do it. There is some special form of negative vanity that I am special. A lot of other people have done it, but I won’t be able to do it, I don’t have that, I don’t have this. I must be special. That is not a very helpful kind of specialness.
So I decided to travel.
Edge 1: Approaching women and asking them out on dates is an edge for me
A lot of my past 3-4 years have been about developing the courage to be vulnerable to express my sexuality and interest in women. I was good in the beginning, and I shut myself down somewhere along the way. I grew comfortable in the fact that there was steady supply of sex. Largely because I was living in a sex positive community. I will talk about this in another post. I grew comfortable. Yet I would see the beautiful girls that I am actually attracted on the streets of London, had no way of confidence in connecting with them. I was thinking, who I am works in the community, they won’t understand, the women outside.
In a nutshell, the spiritual superiority was another form of shutting myself down. A lack of receptiveness to other people. I had to leave the community. I wanted to leave. I was not liking who I was becoming, even though I was actively choosing who I was becoming, I did not like it.
So then, approaching women.
I hope to approach women and create casual relationships wherever I go. As of now I am in Kiev, I have not approached many women here.
Edge 2: Becoming a digital nomad, stay on the road as long as I can
Creating an online business, I want to work on. Right now my blog, drive some traffic to it, create money from courses and affiliate products. That is the plan.
It is also a big edge because I have not actually saved up a lot. I was thinking working on the road, but have not take any massive action towards it. So we will see.
Edge 3: Becoming socially confident.
I want to meet new people. I don’t know why that sounds resonant. More accurately I think I want to have new experiences with new people. Not just the monotonous meet and greet and the predictable relationship journey.
I want to travel with someone, I want to travel with a girlfriend, have sex all day and night, have margaritas. Lie on the beach (Is n’t that the dream). I want to learn new things, I want to learn about others perspectives, to prove myself wrong.
Being right has taken a toll on me. It is boring, if nothing else.
There is no shaking and anger in being right. I feel horrible after being right for some reason, at least in some cases. There is a voice inside me saying, what was I arguing for, what was I defending? In most cases I don’t even know what I am defending. I was “staying true to myself” again, when I did not have a clue what I was doing.
Now I don’t want you to think this post is about derogatory comments about myself.
These are some things that I think that is true for myself. Things that upset me, take a bit of my energy in terms of thinking about it. Worrying about it. That is another reason why I like to write.
Writing is cathartic for me. Travelling and writing seemed like a logical thing to do.
So becoming socially confident. Making mistakes, allowing myself to make mistakes. Or deliberately making them, just to see how it feels.
I have written about this before somewhere, being afraid of harm is harm itself. So I want to make mistakes, and hopefully learn from it, because that is the way one is supposed to make mistakes.
Fail early and often and learn from it.
Approaching women, becoming a nomad, becoming socially confident.
I think three is a good number to stop. I will stop there.
I would invite you to think about the edges that you want to work on and let me know in the comments.
- Staying in hostels and forcing myself to be in social situations
- Strike up conversations with people in the queue or next to me
- Dealing with not that clean places in hostels
- Deciding where to stay quickly, rather than spending hours on booking.com
- Write an article a day here
- Deal with bed bug bites
- Constantly work with my self doubt and my mind that tries to pull me away from what I want.
- Eating cheap. When in London I spent nearly around £40 a day just on eating out.
- Overall, spend less
- Stay focused on my blog and my relationships.
Well I tried to be as concrete as possible.
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