The Belief That I Am Useless

By |2018-06-23T12:08:20+00:00June 23, 2018|Journal|0 Comments

The belief that I am useless.

The belief that I am useless stops me from attempting anything.

I don’t want to fail.

You don’t want to feel the pain of failing.

You would rather pretend that you are capable and protect your ego, rather than putting yourself to test.

This is why we have a lot of talkers and not walkers.

On the other end of the spectrum is morally superior people

I do service and I am better than you.

They look down on people who is not doing what they are doing.

They think they are virtuous.

Is it really a virtue? Or is it protecting their own shortcoming.

How would they feel about themselves, if they suddenly stop being virtuous?

Would they still feel  complete?

Will they still feel their inherent virtue? that does not depend on what you do, how you live your life?

That is only dependent on your existence, your right to exist?

Do you really believe in the right to exist?

Morality is a curse.

Is being immoral better? I do not know.

What to believe?

To believe that I am useful.

Useful to who?

That implies that there is someone else that evaluates me.

It is really me judging my right to exist on my usefulness.

Am I making others happy?

No? I am useless.

What I am missing is that by saying that I am making myself short.

So I am being useless to myself.

I am betraying myself.

How can I make you happy if I can’t say something nice to myself.

Is it possible?

Self acceptance is an active process.

Laziness has no place in accepting oneself.

People say “I don’t accept myself, I don’t love myself”.

What they are really saying is I don’t know if I want to accept myself.

For self acceptance is an active process.

A kind word, a kind gesture, a gentle caressing towards yourself.

Even when every cell of your being is screaming, “this is weird”.

Self love is saying “I love you”, when every cell, every inch of your being, your mind is screaming at you, “Bullshit, I don’t love you, this is an empty affirmation”

That is courage, an active acknowledgement of the act of self love towards you. You can be courageous.

Say “I love you to yourself”. Even when it is screaming inside your head “Who am I kidding? I don’t”

Self acceptance is choice.

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Having been travelling for 4 years now, I write about travel, personal growth tips and my internal world here. I am excited to share with you, tools and tricks that I have learned along the way.

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