Do you think you are overly sensitive?

By |2019-01-02T00:50:57+00:00January 1, 2019|Personal Growth Tips, Relationships|0 Comments

Let’s first make a distinction. What do you mean by sensitivity? Sensitivity is not same as reactivity. Are you being reactive or sensitive?

Reactivity comes from egotism.

An urge to protect your self-image. The idea of you is hurt so you have to defend it. So, you react. Egotism in the sense that, something is attacking your concept of you. If you think you are honest and someone calls you a liar, you get hurt. That is being reactive. Not being sensitive.

The world does not revolve around you. You might think it does, like a child thinking everything that is happening around him/her is his doing. Parents fight, the kid thinks that it is because of him. Someone says something to you out of their own insecurities, you think it is you. Someone rejects you, you think it is because of you.

The coffee you ordered happens to be cold, or the waitress is slow in responding to you, you think she is being racist or something else. You get offended and then you want to punish them. That is not being sensitive at all.

Someone does not behave appropriately, or some is being ‘inconsiderate’ you want to teach them a lesson – because they are not acting in a way that you have been acting all alone, ‘obeying the rules’ – so to speak. Because they are not acting in a way that you want them to. Sometimes you are jealous of them, not having the rules, you wish you could act in those ways. But you can’t, because you are prisoner to your own rules and ego.

You demand to be treated certain way because they are not being sensitive, and you are? That is not sensitivity, that is entitlement.

Reactivity comes from an inflated sense of self-importance. Often reactive people think that they are sensitive and have low self-esteem, feel oppressed etc.

Reactivity comes from an inflated sense of self-importance. Often reactive people think that they are sensitive and have low self-esteem, feel oppressed etc.

In fact, they are indulging themselves in self centric thoughts. The depressive thinks all the time about ‘him’ being depressed and being of no value anyone else. ‘My depression’, my agony, no one understands me because my suffering is special – that is how a depressive think, and we all are depressives.

Reactivity is that behaviour when you are caught up in the victim triangle. That you think that you are constantly being victimised. No one has that much attention, that they wake up, discuss behind a secret room plotting against you to take you down. Everyone is busy thinking about themselves and looking out for themselves. They don’t have much time to think about you. But seeing that is risky and a blow to your ego, because you won’t be special anymore. You are not the centre of attention.

And to think that they are not and always out there to get you is narcissistic.

We confuse reactivity with sensitivity and glorify it

And we glorify reactivity this way confusing it with sensitivity. This is a desperate attempt to maintain a self-image.

You say you are standing up for yourself. You are defending your view points. You have good boundaries etc. But in fact, you are demanding, entitled and controlling.

It is easy to get confused like this.

When you know your intrinsic value, human nature, that is not born out of any kind of ideal or activity, just because you are, you don’t have to stand up for yourself, you are naturally confident.

I am not saying you should silently tolerate any abuse, not at all. You need to be able to communicate that it needs to be stopped.

The trouble is when this is taken too far, to demand that people treat you fairly. And then you start getting angry about little things. Anything and everything become about you. You think people are out there to get you.

Boundaries or walls?

When standing up for yourself is taken too far, without knowing the right place for it, when it is a reaction to one’s inability to defend themselves, when it is a reaction to an insecurity, you start to build walls. Walls to protect yourself. But you won’t know because you are ‘standing up for yourself’.

When you create boundaries with others to control their actions towards you, when it is manipulation it is not a boundary. Can you control others’ behaviours? No. And to know whether if you have created a boundary or a wall, you simply have to ask yourself.

Using boundaries as an excuse to control others is moronic and an easy way to wreck your relationships.

People treat you how they want to. This is not to say that you can’t train them how to treat you using healthy boundaries.

But demanding to be treated certain way is, and wanting to punish them if they don’t, that is moronic.

Don’t take any kind of rejection personal. You get hurt. How dare they? Is it because you are sensitive that you got hurt? Absolutely not.

Don’t take any kind of rejection personal. You get hurt. How dare they? Is it because you are sensitive that you got hurt? Absolutely not.

You create false boundaries in an attempt to control others and command respect. Why? What happens if others don’t respect you? Does your value diminish somehow? Are you deriving who you are, what you are, how successful who you are by seeing how much you are respected?

Is it because you don’t respect yourself?


Don’t take any kind of rejection personal. You get hurt. How dare they? Is it because you are sensitive that you got hurt? Absolutely not.


You create false boundaries in an attempt to control others and command respect. Why? What happens if others don’t respect you? Does your value diminish somehow? Are you deriving who you are, what you are, how successful who you are by seeing how much you are respected?


Is it because you don’t respect yourself?

Respectability as a measure of self-worth is not a good idea. Which is simply saying my life is dependent on others view of me.

When you get hurt it is that your image is being hurt. You convince yourself that you are honest, you are honourable, you are deserving and worthy through arguments, self-talk, pleading and proving yourself. And to see that your grand plan to present yourself as all of the above is not working, is hurtful. After all, all the effort that you have put into yourself is wasted. Nothing is working, no wonder you get hurt.

You think you are good, and someone comes along and calls you a horrible, nasty person – you feel hurt.

You think you should not be rejected, demand that people treat you fairly, and they don’t – you feel hurt.

You demand to be treated like a lady based on a concept, that someone should provide you security, and they don’t – you feel cheated. You get hurt. Your image of someone that is respectable, someone worthy of getting treated fairly get hurt.

A woman ignores you, and you feel hurt. You feel rejected because you have an image, a demand that no one should ignore you, you are not really someone who people can simply reject right?

You must be working very hard not to get rejected.

Sensitivity

Sensitivity is perception, is seeing things for what they are. Sensitivity is seeing what is true. It is not evaluating what is happening with an idea of how things should be and then when that does not match up to the ideal, condemning it and feeling hurt – that is not sensitivity. That is mere reactivity.

Sensitivity is perception, is seeing things for what they are. Sensitivity is seeing what is true. It is not evaluating what is happening with an idea of how things should be and then when that does not match up to the ideal, condemning it and feeling hurt – that is not sensitivity. That is mere reactivity.

When you see something, and you say, you identify things by saying, he is like that, she is like that, this is so, that is so, this is what is happening, labelling and identifying – you are looking at things with a lens, with the background of what you have known. It is a mere act of recognising things based on a concept, or previous knowledge. That is not sensitivity.

Looking at things with prior conclusions prevents us from listening and seeing things clearly. And perceiving without these conclusions, therefore listening carefully and seeing things clearly, is sensitivity. Seeing what is.

Sensitivity is not seeing things and then judging it as bad or good, using comparison, with a standard, with previous knowledge.

Sensitivity is not saying, ‘I understand’ – because that is the right thing to do. It is not saying I accept – because ‘what is’ does not care about whether you understand or not.

Acceptance is perversion – because ‘you need to accept’, you want to include yourself in the process of accepting, as someone who is accepting. And that gives your ego a pat on the shoulder, ‘I am accepting’. The self comes into play. Again, an ideal is being played.

So,

Making everything personal is not sensitivity that is reactivity. Some might call this a narcissistic injury, when you get hurt out of your ego.

You need to make this clear distinction.

This is the height of selfishness – thinking that everything is about you and then getting hurt. Because you think everyone is out to get you. That you are ‘just a sensitive person’ and others are insensitive.

People disrespect each other – that is what is happening and that is a fact. Demanding that it should not be what it is brings unnecessary conflict.

Your need to feel special is the centre of this self-centric activity of making everything about you.

Your image of position, power, strength, vulnerability, weakness or whatever it is get hurt when people don’t conform to your image of you. That is right, if you think you are weak, and someone tells you that you are strong – you brush of the complement – you feel hurt in a way.

How dare they call me beautiful? ‘I am a powerful woman – don’t call me beautiful’. Maybe it is you who thinks you are just a pretty face.

Maybe, it is time to look at this, or maybe not.

But all of these are worthwhile questions to ask yourself before you call someone insensitive.

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About the Author:

Having been travelling for 4 years now, I write about travel, personal growth tips and my internal world here. I am excited to share with you, tools and tricks that I have learned along the way.

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