I have heard this a few times.
The first time it was a friend of mine to another. He said, I can’t tell anything to you truthfully, you are too sensitive. So, I have to lie. He thinks he is protecting her. Poor guy. He is protecting himself by not wanting her upset. He does not want to be the bad guy. But inherently by lying to her constantly, he is in a bad behaviour. He is using her sensitivity as an excuse. If anything, I know, people do things because of themselves.
I have been truthful in my relationships, fairly truthful. I have found truth and honesty is not what the other wants. It is hearing what they want to hear. Relationships are a way to boost one’s own ego. The man boosts his ego from his woman and the woman from the man. Women are more selfish than men, even if it is marketed otherwise. Maybe it is a survival thing. Love is getting taken care of these days, it seems.
So, to my point, sensitivity, or being perceived as sensitive can lead other people to lie to you, because they don’t want you to get upset. Well I am talking about reactivity really. That is the version one version of sensitivity.
The other version is that, being sensitive to her needs. You know when she wants something, so you anticipate her need and give it to her. Although women say this is what they want, they are repulsed by someone who is. They won’t admit it. I have experienced and observed this.
They say they want someone who exhibits emotions, but they don’t. There is some truth to it. They want to know you are somewhat flawed as they are so they can relate. But more than that, they don’t want you to be them. Showing your emotions too much is not manly. Yes, even if they say – men should be able to cry and all that. They don’t like it when they see it. I am mainly talking about how the sensitivity has this effect on women resulting in lying to her partners now.
But generally, people do not want to take care of you. They want themselves to be listened to and empathised with, though, rarely they want to do the same to others. So, don’t expect anything back if you are ‘listening’ to them.
I have heard all versions of this. ‘you are a good listener’ – which really means you are a pussy! No one respects anyone who listens all the time and is ‘always’ there as an emotional sponge. You will be guilted into doing so many times, but the moment you do, you lose all respect, in any relationship. Relationships are a selfish business, how much ever we want to believe they are a novel. Any kind of relationship. They are tricky that way. Dishonest.
Now, you may ask, why do I have this very cynical view of the world? It is what I have experienced. It is my reality.
So, if you want to play the game, know this, sensitivity in both these versions are not appreciated. What they really mean is ‘I want someone to listen to me and boost my ego, but as soon as you do it, I am not going to respect you anymore’
Even, the protecting argument, I lie to you because you are sensitive is, merely self-preservation for them.
I have read somewhere, people want you to know if you are showing your emotions, so they can know if there is a punch that is coming their way, but if they punch you, they want you to be able to take it. That is what it really is.