How to Overcome Fears and Anxiety

By |2018-06-04T12:19:53+00:00June 3, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

How to Overcome Fears and Anxiety

How to overcome fears and anxiety? How to overcome fears in life? How to overcome fear of rejection.  These are very common questions I get asked.

People have asked me

How do you have the courage to quit your job and try to make something for yourself?

How do you tell the truth in your relationships without the fear of risking rejection?

My answer to these are, “How do you know that I am not afraid?”

I have only learned through repetition that fears can be acknowledged and then actively be let go.

And you can do the same.

There are times when my doubts are pulling me down. When I am shit scared.

When I can’t tell the difference between what is actually happening outside and what is being projected because of my insecurities.

How do I pull myself out of it? Well I meditate.

I do some writing practices.

I go for a walk.

Out of this there is one tool that I have been using consistently over the last few years. This is something that I picked up when I was living in a sex cult. I think it comes from the 12 step tradition of alcoholic anonymous program. I am not sure.

You start with

It is a simple writing practice that is supposed to bring out your fears where you can see for what they are and have a better sense and awareness about what is happening within and outside you. It has a very simple structure.

It would almost look like you are writing a letter to someone.

Now you can write the letter to someone or something that is not you, something that you consider as a higher power. It can be your own higher self as well, who has the intelligence and knowing to recognise what is happening.

Some examples are God, Universe, Higher Power, Higher Self, Spirit etc. But not limited to these. I know people who address this to their Dad, Grand dad etc.

So pick one that is most resonant to you.

One way to do this is to make a list of 5 addressees and pick the most resonant one.

And then you start the inventory. You write

Dear God,

Next, write down a resentment.

Now, a resentment here, has a different definition than how it is usually used. It can be either positive or negative. It is essentially something that is being re-sent through your mind, that is wasting your attention by you being caught up with them in your mind. It is good to have some clarity around these resentments so you can relax and potentially let go of them.

So as I said before, this is stock, an inventory of your fears. And it is much like meditation, there is no goal. That is, you are not trying to get rid of your fears or overcome them, you are only trying to shine a light of awareness on them so there is space that it can naturally be shifted.

So you write the resentment down. It will look like

Dear god,

I am resentful at __(resentment)__

Examples

Dear God,

I am resentful at the blonde woman from the bar rejecting me because

OR

Dear God,

I am resentful at getting the job that I dreamed of because

Write down the fears that are reasons for the resentment.

It will be in the form

I have fear that ___(fear)___

Example

Dear God,

I am resentful at the blonde woman from the bar rejecting me because

I have fear that I am not attractive enough

I have fear that I believe that brown people are not attractive to white women

Now  this is good but the idea is to create some space between your fears and you.

A technique to write this is by mentally following the thread of the resentment and the first fear.

For example

I have fear that I am not attractive enough (because)

I have fear that I believe that brown people are not attractive to white women (because)

I have fear that I have believe that brown people are not sexy (because)

So on and so on until you get to the root of the fear

(This is actually one of my fears).

Something that you also need to do is to write for a certain period of time or until you see that you have uncovered something that is causing the resentment.

I usually write for 40 minutes.

End your inventory with a prayer

So once you have a stock of all your fears that is causing the resentment, you end the inventory with a prayer.

It is simply this.

God, I ask you to remove these fears. I pray only for knowledge of your will for us and your power to carry that through (people, things, beliefs) that showed up in your inventory. 

For example

God, I ask you to remove these fears. I pray only for knowledge of your will for us and your power to carry that through myself and my beliefs about my attractiveness and the blonde from the bar.

So the bold-ed section (after carry that through) will contain anyone and anything that is outside and inside yourself that showed up in your inventory. In this case my beliefs about attractiveness and the blonde from the bar.

Read it to someone who can listen non judgmentally

The fifth step is to read it to someone who you trust and can listen to this in a value neutral way without them judging you, or trying to fix you by consoling you etc. In other words, don’t read it to people, who will say the below

I understand you

You poor thing

I support you

The person who is listening will say only “Thank you for sharing to acknowledge that they have listened to your fears. In fact they don’t even have to actively listen to you, this process is more for you to get it out of your physche.

Make sure the person understands this.

Also another very important thing is that you won’t read it to the person who you are resentful about. If you are resentful about something that your husband did, do not read it to your husband.

Rip the paper apart and put it in the bin

After this you rip the paper apart and put it in the bin or burn it or whatever. Don’t hold on to it. The process is a symbolic release of your fears.

If you are using your computer to write your inventory, write it in a note app so you can delete it at this stage.

Bonus Tip

It is helpful to meditate for 15-20 minutes straight after your inventory practice.

To summarise

Fear inventory is taking a stock of your fears that is causing re-sentments in your mind to get some awareness and clarity to find the leakages in your attention. And it requires.

  1. Timeframe to which you are writing (30-40 minutes)
  2. Address it to someone who you can see someone/something bigger than yourself
  3. Write down your resentment
  4. Write down the fears that is causing the resentment.
  5. Prayer to end the inventory
  6. Read it to someone who can be value neutral and understand the rule of just saying “Thanks for sharing”

So next time, before you ask again “How to overcome fears and anxiety?” Try this.

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Having been travelling for 4 years now, I write about travel, personal growth tips and my internal world here. I am excited to share with you, tools and tricks that I have learned along the way.

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