What Not to Do When Facing Your Fears

We all want to overcome fear, conquer fear and be courageous, be bold to take big risks, so you can be successful. Because taking big risks means having confidence and therefore leading to success. Right? That is what is being marketed anyway.

As long as confidence and fearlessness are in the equation of having success – if you “cultivate” or have more of it you will become successful one day. Confidence is the thing that you are missing, or the fears are standing in your way.

Then you have things like “lean into fear” taking small steps and all sorts of methodologies to beat fear in order to become confident and fearless.

Meditation to beat fear without even knowing what meditation really is.

So, you do that.

You take courses after courses, workshops after workshops.

Yet…

The fears seem to persist, once you conquer one, another one creeps in. Or, it comes about in a different form.

You want to overcome your fear of rejection, so you go out and get rejected by people, you get comfortable with that.

And then you come across something else that you want to do – the fear is still there. Can you do this for every fear […]

By |2018-09-28T14:44:37+00:00September 28, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Why You Should Visit Lviv, Ukraine – Legends, Whips, Gas lamps and Baby sharks

Ukraine was my first destination after my Chile trip for my friend’s wedding.  I was conflicted whether to spend more days in South America or come back to Europe. Ukraine had been on my mind for some time now. Lviv especially, since a colleague of mine when I was working in Amsterdam mentioned it a few years back.

I had my reservations about Ukraine.

I was thinking,

Is it safe enough to visit? What the media portrays, how far is it from reality?

For I’d been told not to trust the news and mass media at all when travelling.

From Kiev To Lviv By Train

I landed in Kiev first. I did not like Kiev very much. People were rude to me. They were not friendly.

Now…

I understand that people don’t owe me help, but if at all help was needed, I could not easily find help. Luckily, I’d gotten a local sim card when I landed, and the internet made my life easier.

It is not to say everyone is like that, maybe it was because they were overworked in the capital city.

I often worry about racism and physical harm when I travel, something that I am working on, in terms of […]

By |2018-09-20T15:21:23+00:00September 20, 2018|Journal|0 Comments

Forcing motivation is like trying to force an orgasm

You all know the times when you wake up – and then you say to yourself – this is a great day! I am going to do great things! – and you cannot even get up. Then you excuse yourself, “okay I got up late”, but I am going to make up for it for the rest of the day. And at the end of the day, you have not done much, you feel shitty.

“I will do it tomorrow” – “I will make up for it tomorrow”. You can’t wait for it to be the morning. Lying in your bed, you are planning in your head the best execution plan and how you are going to do it the next day.

That never happens. Instead, the cycle repeats!

You all know what I am talking about?

There is just not enough motivation to be NOT LAZY and do something.

The safety of familiarity and the challenge of your competence – the perfect yin and yang

Sometimes I feel like doing things. Sometimes I don’t. For this reason, I think motivation comes and goes.

I don’t want to do things, sometimes, because I am uncomfortable attempting new things – it is a […]

By |2018-09-21T00:40:42+00:00August 19, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Is Living Worry Free Our Greatest Anxiety?

We try to change our thoughts in the hope that we can affect our emotions. Because we are resistant to feeling fear, anger, sadness, restlessness, agitation, boredom, shame, unworthiness, loneliness etc.

What if you were at more peace with these states of being? Would not that stop you from hating your thoughts so much. Would a negative thought cause so much harm anymore? The harm is not caused by the thought itself. Rather, it is caused by your action of hating yourself. You cannot control hating you for hating you either. That is just how it is. You cannot control any of this. Maybe it is time to wake up to this.

Would not we resign from our lives then? If we were to accept everything, would we make use of our lives? But, is not that another anxious thought again. You are missing every moment.

You are not really living because you are always worried about the future, not just you, me too. Us. We are not really living.

Can we just drop all sorts of worrying? Now that causes real anxiety. Because the answer is very unsure. It is irresponsible to drop worrying, right? It […]

By |2018-09-21T12:44:12+00:00August 8, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|2 Comments

94 Responses to the Question “What increases intimacy in your relationships?”

I asked around, “what increases intimacy in relationships?”, here is the response from people. Some are repeated because there were more than one person who said the same thing. Read this to have an understanding of how others think about intimacy.

Responses from people

  1. Knowing yourself and how to communicate so clearly the depth of your own vulnerability. For you cannot see in another until you see in yourself.
  2. Being independent and strong enough to not be afraid to meet on an authentic level. It takes bravery and self-love to be there. It takes a lot of strength and compassion and maturity to hold space for your partner.
  3. IMO, there are several. But I think the prerequisite to all of them is trust.
  4. Forgiveness every time. And then honesty.
  5. What increases my desire to connect with my partner is when I know by her actions that she is doing her inner healing work and has integrity with her presence.
  6. Many things.Understanding is first.
  7. Honestly and being vulnerable.
  8. Independence, mystery and Truth.
  9. Silence.
  10. Acceptance.
  11. Emotional literacy, emotional vulnerability, awareness to emotional weaponisation – thereby creating a sanctuary for sharing no matter what comes up.. in doing so […]
By |2018-09-21T13:02:24+00:00August 6, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

Last 3 Months in Review

I have been travelling 3 months now since my last job. Hoping to make some money online. I did not.

To be honest I did not make a lot of effort to make that happen.

One thing that I am proud of though,  is that I have a habit of doing my writing practices in the morning every day.

My new found rhythm of meditating daily and writing daily is making me happy.

Something that was not very healthy

I went out and drank a lot for most of July. I had fun. It also caused me to be tired the next day. I woke up late.

I am stopping drinking for a while now. Let’s see how that will turn out, lets see if I will stick to it.

Socialising

Developing a habit of socialising is important to me. My normal tendency is to direct my attention inwards and isolate. Then soon I start hating people. So that was one of the priorities. I am very consistent in talking to strangers and making new acquaintances. I am also flirting a little more than before. So that is good.

I am getting more and more confident with approaching women, getting comfortable with it. Though to […]

By |2018-09-21T12:58:01+00:00August 2, 2018|Journal|0 Comments

How To Practice Curiosity? Dismantle Your Fears With Curiosity

Curiosity can be practiced. Some say it cannot be taught or learned. I think it can be.

When we are born, we are very curious. We want to try new things. We were not afraid to fail. We tried things after things, we learned from our mistakes. And perfected the craft of walking for example.

Now, I think it is not that we are not curious, it is marred by our fear of failure and ridicule.

We are even afraid to ask a simple question when having a conversation out of the fear of coming across as stupid.

How to Practice Curiosity?

Learn to be present

Live in the moment. Be curious about the now. Become mindful. When you become more and more mindful you start to notice the details. And these details lead to more curiosity.

What are the sounds that are coming into your awareness? What do you smell? What are the sensations in your body? How are you holding yourself? Just notice. You don’t have to answer these things, watch what comes up in your mind.

Watch your thoughts.

When talking to someone, be curious about your judgements about the person. Is there something that is irritating you about this person? […]

By |2018-09-21T12:52:19+00:00July 26, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|1 Comment

How To Not Take Things Personally: You Are As Nasty As Anyone Else

If you don’t want to take things personally, you need to understand that people are not nice. It is not healthy to see others as superior in being virtuous and whatever they say is true without question. This comes from thinking that you are wrong. That there is something wrong with you, and everyone else is perfect.

People are nasty, and when they say harsh words it is because of them. That is the way you develop a thick skin. By understanding that the whole world does not revolve around you.

Taking things personally, is in fact, the highest form of selfishness. The word does not revolve around you. Everything that is being said and happening around you is not because of you. It is a twisted way of feeling important, by saying it is because of me.

Don’t think for a moment, others are nasty, and you are virtuous. That you are the good person, but all the bad things happen to you. You are equally nasty. The faster you accept that, the quicker power will return to you and will see others as equally nasty, they are nothing special. The beauty though, […]

By |2018-09-21T13:11:36+00:00July 18, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

22 Quick and Easy Confidence Building Exercises To Do Daily

Below are some simple things that you can do daily to boost your self-confidence and self-esteem. These are simple enough and does not take much time, so you can integrate them into your life. Some of them are simple adjustments to what you are already doing. Others are exercises that you can do sitting down such as meditation and journaling. You don’t have to do everything, choose things that you can easily do and the ones that are most effective to you.

1. Take space when you sit and stand up straight with your shoulders back.

Posture and physiology affects your mood and confidence. This will allow you to think self-affirming thoughts, and change your mood. Taking space is an act of saying “I matter” and standing straight with your shoulders back is a stance where you are reading to participate in life.

2. Make fists and make a V in the air

Another posture to influence your mood is to make a fist and throw up in the air like a “V” and hold it for 2-3 seconds. It is simple but effective.

3. The superman/wonder woman stance

You can also stand like […]

By |2018-10-18T12:43:32+00:00July 13, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments

How Can I Develop Self-Confidence? Using Meditation For Confidence

People talk about becoming “confident”. They search for “what are the characteristics of a confident person?”, “how do confident people act?”, “how can I develop self-confidence?” etc.

There are several tools to do this. More than the tools, you need to understand the basic foundation for confidence, which is described below.

You cannot control others’ opinions about you

All these questions imply that there is an external onlooker who is evaluating you as confident or not. These are not great questions to ask. That kind of confidence is not confidence. It is a need to feel worthy by validation from others. To be seen as a person of value.

You can never achieve confidence this way. Because people judge you from their viewpoint, they actions are in response to how they view you. You cannot control other’s judgements about you however hard you try.

The only onlooker is the judge in your mind

But there is an onlooker, it is the judge in your mind.

The only way to be truly confident is to intrinsically feel valuable. Confidence comes from within. In fact, it is already there. But you have mental programs that is covering up your confidence.

Internalisation of voices from parents, […]

By |2018-10-18T13:00:53+00:00July 12, 2018|Personal Growth Tips|0 Comments